all of this...and more

Isabelle tried our for the Pre-Team Dance Team for 5-7 year olds this past Saturday and she made it! Well, I should say, they all automatically make it for this age group, but still...she is very excited! We went with our friends, The Rices, whose eldest daughter is Izzy's "long lost sister" (in fact, Isabelle informs me at least once a month that she is going to go live with Emma and Mrs. Marla!) to Culver's to celebrate with ice cream.

We moved on from there to our LIFE Group picnic at one of the local parks. We grilled hot dogs, watched the kids run around and play until dusk and even saw a couple of really big lizards. Isabelle and Emma were invited to a sleep over that night with 2 other girls that made the team. The both lasted the whole night -- no 12 am call asking to come pick her up. In fact, they were the last 2 to fall asleep! Mrs. Brandee let them make their own mini pizzas, make a "party" hat and flower pot craft, play the Wii and watch High School Musical. Mrs. Brandee is like so many other of my women friends who are so creative and talented...putting the rest of us slacker moms to shame!

Needless to say we suffered melt down after meltdown on Sunday after church due to lack of sleep, exhaustion and impatience...and the kids were pretty whiny too! :)

Our new washer and dryer come tomorrow! While I am excited to catch up on laundry once again (have I mentioned that I abhor laundry?), I will no longer have an excuse to not do it! My mom is flying in on Saturday to spend a week. My parents just returned from a 3 week Greek cruise (the nice life of retired living, eh?). Isabelle and Nicholas have a Family Fun Night for school Monday night and Isabelle has her dance recital Mother's Day weekend. Not only will we get some quality mom-daughter, Nana-kiddos time, but my Ma also seems to know just what to say and just what to do to help me out. Whether it's a pep talk or a hug or watching the kids or folding clothes (again, I abhor laundry), Ma always knows best. I hope and pray that I can be that and more for my kids when they grow up.

We are doing the Financial Peace University through our church. I would recommend it to everyone and anyone -- no matter where you are with your finances. Very practical and realistic advice on how to manage your money. I have to brag about my husband here for a second. I always want to call that out when I do it, because I probably don't give him the props that he deserves often enough. Organization, scheduling, order, managing money (putting up clothes or lifting the toilet seat...by why go on and on?) are not on the top of his priority list. He usually defers to me on those things. But, he is really trying. He knows that while he is content to be a free spirit and never make a list in his life, that having some structure and order keeps me sane. In fact, I am one of those neurotic list makers that actually adds something to the list if I did it and it wasn't orginally on there...just so I can check it off. Yes, it is a sickness. But, I can only work on one neurosis at a time. He is really trying to be supportive and help me figure out a way to find balance. What a wonderful husband.

A new concept was presented to me: Our outside circumstances or life situations do not cause our feelings. Our thoughts cause our feelings. Wow. I have been trying to get my mind around this for about a week now. In some situations, it makes perfect sense. If you are scared of heights and go up in a tall and open building, you may feel anxious and fearful. However, since everyone does not feel the same way about it...it was not the experience that caused you to feel anxious or fearful...it was your perception of the experience. It's just in how you processed your thoughts about it that lead to your feelings. Okay, I get that.

But, when I try to use it in a personal example, like when somebody says something that really hurt your feelings, it's harder to apply. According to this theory, they didn't hurt your feelings. In fact, people can't hurt your feelings. It is what you thought about what they said that lead to your hurt feelings. "That hurt my feelings because they said or acted in a way that wasn't acceptable to me." So, if you think about it that way, the hurt and the anger should go away. Okay, I have been trying, but I have to be honest...I still feel like they hurt my feelings!

It is a new concept and a whole new way of thinking for me. On one hand, it gives me hope that this will help battle and overcome my struggle with insecurities and anxiety. On the other, learning a whole new way of thinking seems very overwhelming.

I wonder if there is a theory about "PMS" (Post-Mommy Syndrome). Okay, I just made that up...but I think it's worthy of consideration. I think my hormones changed drastically after I had Isabelle, my first. And honestly, I think they have changed drastically after each child...and have never gone back to normal!! After each pregnancy, my hair has gotten less and less curly. After each pregnancy, I have become more tired, worried, impatient and emotional. After each pregnancy, I PMS worse and have worse cycles (sorry if that is TMI!). In fact, just the other day I told my husband that I was having a hard time with PMS this time. My wonderful, supportive husband responded lovingly and honestly that the whole family was having a hard time with my PMS! But, he also sent me this:

The Key that Unlocks the Door to Happiness
By Buddy T from the Big Book of AA

It seems almost too simple to be true, but acceptance -- accepting things exactly as they are -- can be the key that unlocks the door to happiness.It may be one of the most referenced passages in recovery literature. It's from Page 449 of Alcoholics Anonymous or as it is widely known:

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.

Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes. For me, serenity began when I learned to distinguish between those things that I could change and those I could not. When I admitted that there were people, places, things, and situations over which I was totally powerless, those things began to lose their power over me. I learned that everyone has the right to make their own mistakes, and learn from them, without my interference, judgement, or assistance! The key to my serenity is acceptance. But "acceptance" does not mean that I have to like it, condone it, or even ignore it. What it does mean is I am powerless to do anything about it... and I have to accept that fact. Nor does it mean that I have to accept "unacceptable behavior."

Today I have choices. I no longer have to accept abuse in any form. I can choose to walk away, even if it means stepping out into the unknown. I no longer have to fear "change" or the unknown. I can merely accept it as part of the journey. I spent years trying to change things in my life over which I was powerless, but did not know it. I threatened, scolded, manipulated, coerced, pleaded, begged, pouted, bribed and generally tried everything I could to make the situation better -- only watch as things always got progressively worse. I spent so much time trying to change the things I could not change, it never once occurred to me to simply accept them as they were. Now when things in my life are not going the way I planned them, or downright bad things happen, I can remind myself that whatever is going on is not happening by accident. There's a reason for it and it is not always meant for me to know what that reason is.That change in attitude has been the key to happiness for me. I know I am not the only who has found that serenity.