Wednesday, October 14, 2009

come together...right now...

So, Izzy's seventh birthday has come and passed. I can't believe that such a big deal came and went so fast. I have a feeling that time will just keep going by faster and faster. How will I keep up? Because I don't want to miss a thing. I want to slow down and breathe in and take it all in. But, I digress...we had a great and special time. My parents came in town and we went to Sea World. It poured all the way there and we had already decided that if it was still pouring we would just turn around and go home. But, when we got there the rain stopped and...there were no lines to be seen anywhere. The weather was cool in the morning, warm in the afternoon, and cool in the evening.

We were able to make every show, feed and pet the dolphins and ride the Shamu roller coaster several times. I love, LOVE the Shamu show. From the minute they show the Military commercial and ask all military and retired military and their families to stand, I cry. I tear up when I see an old man stand up as people applaud his bravery and sacrifice. I tear up when I see the young soldiers and airmen in uniform walk around the park with their loved ones. I tear up when I see my dad salute them and thank them for their service.

I am an Air Force Brat. I moved 13 times in 18 years. I went to 3 high schools in 4 years. I have lived in 2 other countries than the States and have visited a lot more than that. My parents were in 2 other countries the whole time I was in college. I have always hated the question, "Where are you from?" How do you answer that when your "home" is a state of mind. When you have never felt at home anywhere, but a little bit of everywhere. No one, unless they share in this unique situation and experience, can understand.

One of my dearest and oldest friends and fellow BRAT sent me a link about a movie called "BRATS: Our Journey Home." I sent it to other fellow BRAT friends and my parents. My dad ordered the DVD and brought it with them on this visit. We were given a wonderful day while the kids were at school to watch this unique documentary together. I am blessed by the parents I have and how they raised me. I am blessed with the relationship I still have with them. I would not be who I am without them.

I love hearing people's stories. My favorite part of Celebrate Recovery is hearing testimonies. I love learning about people, their past, their families, their hurts and their triumphs. After watching this movie, I realized how being a BRAT is a big part of my story. Watching this movie made me realize what a special, unique and wonderful group of humanity we are. Our unique childhood experiences have shaped who we have become. I may be flawed and will always have to work through my imperfections and flaws, but watching this movie made me appreciate even my flaws. For they came from an interesting experience and a great price.

So, here's to not just all the military, but also their families that did not sign up for a tour of duty, but served and sacrificed just the same. Here is a summary of the movie...and to be honest, a summary of a little bit of all of us BRATS.

"It's hard to imagine a military BRAT'S childhood. Moving from base to base around the world, they are at home everywhere - and nowhere. There are 1.2 million children being raised in the military today. An estimated 15 million Americans are former BRATS. They include actors Jessica Alba and Robert Duvall, Senator John McCain, and basketball star Shaquille O'Neal.

BRATS is the first cinematic glimpse into a global subculture whose journey to adulthood is a high-octane mixture of incredible excitement and enormous pain. Make no mistake - BRATS is not about the U.S. military - it's about their children, who grow up in a paradox that is idealistic and authoritarian, privileged and perilous, supportive and stifling - all at the same time. Their passports say "United States," but they're really citizens of the world.

Singer/songwriter and Air Force brat Kris Kristofferson leads us through the heart of their experiences, sharing intimate memories with fellow BRATS, including General Norman Schwarzkopf and author Mary Edwards Wertsch, whose ground-breaking book, Military Brats: Legacies of Childhood Inside the Fortress, was one of the seminal inspirations for this film. Their stories reveal the peculiar landscape of their childhood, the culture that binds them together, and the power it exerts over their adult lives.

A seven-year work of passion by independent filmmaker Donna Musil, BRATS features rare archival footage, home movies and private photographs from post-war Japan, Germany, and Vietnam.
"

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

i was made to love you...

Tomorrow is Izzy's 7th birthday. Seriously. SEVEN. I remember when my friends' kids were turning 7 and I thought that seemed so old. It's the first birthday where they really aren't little kids any more. It's her first "Big Girl" birthday...and it's breaking this mommy's heart. I am so proud (and just a little relieved) that she committed her life to Christ and followed Him in baptism this year. And I am so excited to see her relationship with the Lord grow as she continues to grow in Him. I just pray that she will forever have a heart for God and will follow Him all the days of her life. I pray that her identity and confidence will be found in Christ...and in Christ alone. I pray that I will not fail miserably in this precious job that God entrusted in my care.

We are busy. I wonder how we got here. I always have good intentions to have a slower and simple pace of life and then, before you know it, I am over-committed and stressed. With all good things like dance (seeing Becca in tap shoes and how much Izzy loves it is precious), piano, soccer (seeing my sweet, quiet Nicky shine on the field is awesome!), prayer meetings like Moms in Touch, bible study, Homeroom mom, and Celebrate Recovery. All wonderful things. But, then add cleaning, cooking, laundry, driving, errands, paying bills, volunteering...um, life...and you have stress. And with stress, it seems that the joy - even in the good things - is gone.

Now, I just want to create space and time to breathe...to refresh and renew...for me, my marriage, my family and my ministry. To have joy...in all things. To give God glory for all of these amazing opportunities and blessings He has faithfully lavished on us. All of us. How many times do I just stop and say "Thank you, Lord!" without asking for anything? He tells us to come to Him with gratitude...a thankful heart and spirit. Oh, how we should be so humbled with how He has blessed us. Oh, how selfish we are with His grace. Why do we get so caught up in ourselves and our lives that our thank yous are short and our list of petitions are long?

"Repentance is one of the most wonderful privileges Christ has given us through Hiss cross...we haven't repented, however, until we've experienced what 2 Corinthians 7:10 calls 'godly sorrow.' It's the kind that brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret...the first inappropriate response to the awareness that we've treated holy things as unholy is a lack of repentance. The other extreme is debilitating guilt and an unwillingness to let go of past failure long after repentance. God is looking for the healthy response of godly sorrow that brings repentance, not emotional self-mutilation."

I was made for God. I was made to love Him. We all were. There is so much from this week's homework from Daniel that spoke to me that I don't even know where to start. I just feel really blessed. To see how He has worked in my life...how He has delivered and redeemed me. Why is it so easy to forget to have a grateful heart and spirit? I would be a mess without Jesus! And I was. And a lot of times, I still am! That's why I need Him. I don't know why it's so hard for me to accept and believe that I am holy vessel for God. Because He says I am. That should be enough for me to believe it. But, I hold onto old patterns of thinking and lies that I am not. And I find myself thinking how dishonoring that is to Him. Boy, do I want my life to reflect my heart and what God has done in it!

"Beloved, my 'hopeless sorrow' totally missed the meaning of the biblical word redemption. God redeems something by buying it back through the payment of a ransom. He gave the life of His Son as the ransom to buy us back from the clutches of sin. He has also bought back the rights to our past and all its failures. It we cooperate, He'll turn every single one of those failures into something useful for His kingdom."

We all have our past and our failures...our hurts, old habits and patterns of behavior. Beth Moore talked about "keeping our noses clean." Recovery talks about "keeping your side of the street clean." Both mean to deal with your stuff and keep right with God. But, it also means that we are not going around wiping other people's noses or sweeping up their sides of the street. That is up to them to do. I pray that we will all deal with our "stuff" and repent..."to get off repentant knees white as snow, utterly pure and totally restored to fellowship with God." To no longer walk around with gaping wounds, but to walk upright...healed...with just the scars to tell our testimony.

"God isn't looking for perfection. He's looking for purity of heart: our authentic desire to do His will and give Him glory...You and I want God to be able to look on us amid our overindulged, self-absorbed culture, then glance to His right and say, 'She has an extraordinary spirit, doesn't she, Son?' Perhaps Christ will nod His head and, while thinking the thoughts of an anxious bridegroom, lean over and say, 'And isn't she beautiful?'