I have too much to say and too little time and energy to say it...But, if you know me at all, you know I will try to anyway! :)
My second baby and my only baby boy turned 4 today! I am so blessed that he was our little unexpected gift from God in the form of a small, but scrappy, gentle, loving, silly, smart and curious little guy. Happy Birthday, God's little Superhero!
Please check out our Celebrate Recovery Blog!
http://celebraterecoveryplumcreek.blogspot.com/
This ministry and the amazing, courageous, godly people in it have done more for me, my growth, my healing and my spirit than I could ever do for it and for them. God called me to it, but I think He also called it to me. I am so blessed for the people He has brought into my life. For my CR group and my dear sisters in Christ, I love you and I thank you. I would not be where I am today and working on becoming the person I am meant to be, but for the grace of God and the heartfelt, healthy and wonderfully supportive and loving relationships He has given me. My girlfriends who know my heart so well, my kids who bring me so much joy and unconditional love and have done their best to teach me patience, and especially my husband, who may not always understand me, but who is always there as my best friend and accountability partner trying his best to do so.
"I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy, for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ." (Phil 1:3-6).
Please be in prayer for me and my family. Jonathan's company is in turmoil and the pivate investors are looking for a buyer. Regardless of what happens, change will come. He may be looking for a new job or in his same position working for a new company. At the same time, I have been having some health issues these past few months, on top of everything else! (just add them to the list of all of the other issues!) All minor so far, but a lot of different things. I have been to a lot of appointments and tests and still have more to go. With 3 kids during the summer, it has been hard to manage the appointments and even harder to manage not feeling myself.
The Lord provides and heals. His will is sovereign and perfect. His love knows no end. In Him, I put my faith.
"But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" (Josh. 24:2, 15).
"God Speaking" by Mandissa
Have you ever heard a love song
That set your spirit free
Have you ever watched a sunrise
And felt you could not breathe
What if it's Him
What if it's God speaking
Have you ever cried a tear that
You could not explain
Have you ever met a stranger
That already knew your name
What if it's Him
What if it's God speaking
Who knows how He'll get a hold of us
Get our attention to prove He is enough
He'll do and He'll use
Whatever He wants to
To tell us I love you
Have you ever lost a loved one
Who you thought should still be here
Do you know what it feels like
To be tangled up in fear
What if He's somehow involved
What if He's speaking through it all
His ways are higher
His ways are better
Though sometimes strange
What could be stranger
Than God in a manger
God is speaking
I love you
I pray that God speaks to you...
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
a little remedy for me please...
Remedy by David Crowder Band
Here we are
Here we are
The broken and used
Mistreated, abused
Here we are
Here You are
Here You are
The beautiful one
Who came like a Son
Here You are
So we lift up our voices
We open our hands
To cling to the love
That we can’t comprehend
Oh, lift up your voices
And lift up your heads
To sing of the love
That has freed us from sin
He is the one
Who has saved us
He is the one
Who embraced us
He is the one who has come
And is coming again
He’s the remedy
Here we are
Here we are
Bandaged and bruised
Awaiting a cure
Here we are
Here You are
Here You are
Our beautiful King
Bringing relief
Here You are with us
So we lift up our voices
And open our hands
Let go of the things
That have kept us from Him
He is the one
Who has saved us
He is the one
Who forgave us
He is the one who has come
And is coming again
He’s the remedy
Oh, I can’t comprehend
I can’t take it all in
Never understand
Such perfect love come
For the broken and beat
For the wounded and weak
Oh, come fall at His feet
He’s the remedy
He’s the remedy
So sing, sing
You are the one
Who has saved us
You are the one
Who forgave us
You are the one who has come
And is coming again
To make it alright
Oh, to make it alright
You’re the remedy
Oh, in us
You’re the remedy
Let us be the remedy
Let us bring the remedy
Here we are
Here we are
The broken and used
Mistreated, abused
Here we are
Here You are
Here You are
The beautiful one
Who came like a Son
Here You are
So we lift up our voices
We open our hands
To cling to the love
That we can’t comprehend
Oh, lift up your voices
And lift up your heads
To sing of the love
That has freed us from sin
He is the one
Who has saved us
He is the one
Who embraced us
He is the one who has come
And is coming again
He’s the remedy
Here we are
Here we are
Bandaged and bruised
Awaiting a cure
Here we are
Here You are
Here You are
Our beautiful King
Bringing relief
Here You are with us
So we lift up our voices
And open our hands
Let go of the things
That have kept us from Him
He is the one
Who has saved us
He is the one
Who forgave us
He is the one who has come
And is coming again
He’s the remedy
Oh, I can’t comprehend
I can’t take it all in
Never understand
Such perfect love come
For the broken and beat
For the wounded and weak
Oh, come fall at His feet
He’s the remedy
He’s the remedy
So sing, sing
You are the one
Who has saved us
You are the one
Who forgave us
You are the one who has come
And is coming again
To make it alright
Oh, to make it alright
You’re the remedy
Oh, in us
You’re the remedy
Let us be the remedy
Let us bring the remedy
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
i don't know...
My mind is overflowing with thoughts and contradictions too overwhelming to put into words. With all of the questions darting around through my mind...the single answer that keeps rising up is...I don't know...I just don't know.
People amaze me and surprise me. In one day I can encounter people with amazing and godly gifts and talents that use them to edify and grow the Kingdom of God, people with Courage and Faith willing to step out and be authentic and vulnerable in order to grow in the Kingdom of God, and people that manipulate, judge and hurt those people that God calls His children and Heirs to His Kingdom. And yet, we are all one and the same because we are all God's children, cherished by the same Father who created us Fearfully and Wonderfully, loved dearly just because He wants to.
The bane of my existence right now is finding a way to feel worthy of that kind of love, to find fulfillment in the grace of that perfect love, accepting who I am and where I am, as I am, in this moment, knowing it's exactly who and where God wants me to be, and letting go of the perception of perfection of imperfect people. Something I have noticed is that I tend to put people up on a pedastal...think of them definitely higher and better than myself, even higher and better than they are. And I think of myself definitely less than others and probaby less than I am. Paralyzed by what people think...wanting to be better...to be more. Feeling "too much and not enough at the same time." How? Why? I don't know. I just don't know.
"What happened is that um, I kinda got this arcane glimpse of the universe and the best thing I can say about that is... I don't know."
-- Reality Bites
Lelaina: I just don’t understand why things just can’t go back to normal at the end of the half hour like on the Brady Bunch or something.
Troy: Well, ‘cause Mr. Brady died of AIDS. Things don’t turn out like that.
Lelaina: I was really gonna be something by the age of 23.
Troy: Honey, the only thing you have to be by the age of 23 is yourself.
Lelaina: I don’t know who that is anymore.
Troy: I do. And we all love her. I love her. She breaks my heart again and again but I love her.
-- Reality Bites
"Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome. That's what momma always says. She says that beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will..."
-- Hope Floats
"Signora, between Austria and Italy, there is a section of the Alps called the Semmering. It is an impossibly steep, very high part of the mountains. They built a train track over these Alps to connect Vienna and Venice. They built these tracks even before there was a train in existence that could make the trip. They built it because they knew some day, the train would come."
-- Under The Tuscan Sun
"Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Make me hear joy and gladness,
that the bones You have broken may
rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins,
And blot out all my iniquities...
For you do not desire sacrifice, or else I
would give it;
You do not delight in burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
And broken and contrite heart --
These, O God, You will not despise."
-- Psalm 51
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us...For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But, if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance...And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."
-- Romans 8
People amaze me and surprise me. In one day I can encounter people with amazing and godly gifts and talents that use them to edify and grow the Kingdom of God, people with Courage and Faith willing to step out and be authentic and vulnerable in order to grow in the Kingdom of God, and people that manipulate, judge and hurt those people that God calls His children and Heirs to His Kingdom. And yet, we are all one and the same because we are all God's children, cherished by the same Father who created us Fearfully and Wonderfully, loved dearly just because He wants to.
The bane of my existence right now is finding a way to feel worthy of that kind of love, to find fulfillment in the grace of that perfect love, accepting who I am and where I am, as I am, in this moment, knowing it's exactly who and where God wants me to be, and letting go of the perception of perfection of imperfect people. Something I have noticed is that I tend to put people up on a pedastal...think of them definitely higher and better than myself, even higher and better than they are. And I think of myself definitely less than others and probaby less than I am. Paralyzed by what people think...wanting to be better...to be more. Feeling "too much and not enough at the same time." How? Why? I don't know. I just don't know.
"What happened is that um, I kinda got this arcane glimpse of the universe and the best thing I can say about that is... I don't know."
-- Reality Bites
Lelaina: I just don’t understand why things just can’t go back to normal at the end of the half hour like on the Brady Bunch or something.
Troy: Well, ‘cause Mr. Brady died of AIDS. Things don’t turn out like that.
Lelaina: I was really gonna be something by the age of 23.
Troy: Honey, the only thing you have to be by the age of 23 is yourself.
Lelaina: I don’t know who that is anymore.
Troy: I do. And we all love her. I love her. She breaks my heart again and again but I love her.
-- Reality Bites
"Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome. That's what momma always says. She says that beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will..."
-- Hope Floats
"Signora, between Austria and Italy, there is a section of the Alps called the Semmering. It is an impossibly steep, very high part of the mountains. They built a train track over these Alps to connect Vienna and Venice. They built these tracks even before there was a train in existence that could make the trip. They built it because they knew some day, the train would come."
-- Under The Tuscan Sun
"Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Make me hear joy and gladness,
that the bones You have broken may
rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins,
And blot out all my iniquities...
For you do not desire sacrifice, or else I
would give it;
You do not delight in burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
And broken and contrite heart --
These, O God, You will not despise."
-- Psalm 51
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us...For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But, if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance...And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."
-- Romans 8
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