tagging along...

I was tagged by my dear friend, Stephanie, to post my 7th picture from my 7th folder. I only have pictures from the past year loaded on my computer, so chances of my getting a picture of the kids was a good one. I was so happy that it was a picture of all three of them. As I opened the picture, a smile spread across my face and into my heart. My sweet and sassy Izzy, my heart, who is most like me (oh, my heart...). Shy, loving, curious and sly Nicky, my soul. Becca, my spirit, who is fiercely independent and spunky. My three babies. My precious ones. My little blessings.

As I go into this holiday, I am trying to focus on my many, many blessings. Preparing for Thanksgiving by preparing my heart with gratitude and praise for the God that has blessed me in so many ways. I shared my homework from No Other Gods with my sweet and honest friend, Suzanne. It asked us to list the promises we seek from God and the obstacles that we need to overcome. I listed God's promises as freedom, abundant life, peace and joy. I listed my obstacles as...me. Me and me alone. Only my worries and fear separate me from now and God's full promises and blessings. When I shared my frustration with myself and the scriptures I was claiming to fight the battle within myself, my friend all but yelled at me. No, actually, I believe she yelled. But, with love. One of the very few people that could yell at me with love. She said..."God is speaking to you. He is giving you scriptures that speak to your heart when you read His word. You are communing and communicating with the LORD. Do you know how lucky you are? (voice pitch rising...). How many people long for that? (voice pitch rising a little more...). You keep waiting for the promises when the blessings are staring at you in the face!" Or something like that.

Wow. I ended up thanking her before she left that night. Again, God was reminding me that it was choice. It wasn't going to be easy to overcome years and years of flawed thinking, but it starts with now. It starts with a choice. And it never ends. And somewhere in the middle is patience and gentleness with myself and thankfulness for His faithfulness through the growth in the journey that God has me on. I want His will...not my own. I want to be obedient. I want to praise Him through the whole journey...with a grateful heart. When I look at this picture of my three beautiful children and I think of my wonderful husband and I think of my friends...tried and true few friends that love me no matter what...I am so thankful. And I give all the glory to God for taking this seriously flawed woman and loving her enough to take her on a journey of transformation and tiny little blessings...that I just need to take the time to look for and stop to remember from Whom they come.

I tag my oldest and dear friends, Kris and Jackie...post your 8th picture from your 8th folder. And have a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving!

life goes on...

I just returned from eating Thanksgiving lunch with Isabelle at her school. I have to say that I am ridiculously stuffed and impressed by the lunch at an Elementary School cafeteria. I am also a little concerned that she was chasing a boy on the playground when I went out to say good-bye. Seriously? Already? She is still loving kindergarten and her teacher. So much so, that she has asked if she could live with Ms. Little...and that she has thought about wanting to be home schooled, but she would miss Ms. Little too much. We have been blessed by Ms. Little...we couldn't have asked for a kinder, sweeter, firm and wonderful kindergarten teacher. Isabelle is getting better at sounding out the words she doesn't know and not getting as frustrated with herself. Patience with oneself would be a very valuable lesson, if she can learn it this young. I am just now learning that! Her headaches and tummy aches seem to have gotten a little better...although she still has them. At her 6 year check up, Dr. Anna asked us to keep track of them, but suggested it could be stress. My heart aches at the thought of my sweet 6 year old being stressed. So we keep track, but I pray. We practiced riding her bike without training wheels this weekend. She did very well...I was most impressed by her sheer determination to keep trying. We have determined that I am better at helping the kids learn to ride without training wheels...although it is mostly because I am shorter and closer to their level.

Becca is finally feeling better!! She never really let us do the nebulizer on her...I pray she doesn't end up with asthma because just trying this week was painful. She is still on antibiotics, but finished her steroids. She is back to being silly, funny and happy Becca again. Last week was a rough week...for mom too. Have you ever had a week where every child is going through something difficult and you are just praying to God, not just for patience, but to help you enjoy them? Maybe it's just me, but there are times I just want to enjoy them...not nag them, or scold them, or discipline them, or get frustrated with them...just enjoy them. And then I feel so guilty and like a bad mom for not enjoying them. It's just an ugly cycle.

Nicky was very excited to go to school today because they were doing a fire drill...and the Buda Fire Department were going to be there to help them. How cool is that! We signed him up for basketball to start in January. Then he will do soccer again in the Spring. Until all of that he is just very concerned with telling us everything he wants Santa to bring him. And I am ashamed that I have already used the line of "I have Santa's number and I will call him if you don't start listening and obeying!"

I don't know if it's just the age, but I feel that it is such a battle to teach the kids the value of things and to take care of them. I mean, we talk about how there are kids and families that don't have anything and that to just have a home and clothes is something we should be very thankful for...that everything we have comes from God and He is so faithful and good to meet our every need. We sponsor a child with World Vision and do Operation Christmas Child. But, when I tell Nicky that he needs to stop filling his pockets with his "magic crystal rocks" because I keep washing them in the washing machine, he tells me we can just buy a new one. What?? I tell them that God puts us in charge of our things to take care of them, so we need to clean up our toys and rooms and wouldn't you know that I find toys and clothes everywhere but where they should be and I hear Nicky tell Izzy that he makes the rules of his toys and she can't do his puzzle. Seriously? It just seems like at every turn, I am fighting a losing battle and failing my children miserably for the life skills they will need to be healthy adults.

The highlight of this time was Jonathan's birthday. I am privileged to be married to a man with the passion for birthdays of a 12 year old boy. My plan to surprise him failed, as he whined that no one cared about his birthday, so I had to tell him what we were doing. Sufficed to say, he had a very big day! I still get, "You have to be nice to me...it's my birthday week!" that will end with our date night on Saturday.

Well, I am behind in my bible study homework, my laundry, cleaning and organizing the kids' rooms and playroom, Christmas shopping, Thanksgiving planning, and quiet time. And I am sure there is something else I am forgetting! Life goes on...

the voice of truth...

Well, I am having a hard time putting my thoughts together...there are so many and I am so tired. And while I feel a bit melancholy in spirit and pondering in thought, I will be brief and hopefully make some sense. I read the book Breathe this summer and was so fired up about it. Now, it is mid-November and once again my calendar is full, my husband is frustrated with my inability to say no, and I am not sure how it happened. I feel overwhelmed with how much we have going on, but I don't see another way around it...everything seems like a yes. So, I bought the book Boundaries. This is a book that has been brought up to me several time...finally, I thought....hmmm...maybe I should read it. I am only into the 2nd chapter, but it's supposed to answer the question of how can I be a loving Christ like person and set boundaries or say no to someone? How do I handle the feelings of guilt or fear? I am beginning to realize that my saying yes isn't always Christlike. Sometimes it's out of fear or out of pride. A fear of being left out or forgotten. A pride of being needed or being wanted. Perhaps even accepted or loved.

This also connects with the bible study that I am loving right now...No Other Gods. This week's homework was on having people as idols. I so do that. My security, my identity is found in my relationships and what I think others think of me. That makes me really sad. No wonder I have had so many unhealthy relationships and still struggle with my worth in them. I don't think other people struggle like I do. They all seem to have it figured out. They are comfortable with who they are and don't need anyone's approval. Perhaps that is me being prideful and negatively self-focused (I do have a tendency to do that, you know). I can't imagine what goes through my mind or what makes my hurt ache, makes others respond the same way. But, I am working on it. However, it's hard not to feel defective, broken, when you realize you have so many things to work on.

I read Philippians last night. I am trying to remember where my focus needs to be...on God. On a perfect God that loves me. He loves me so much that He gave me new life that should be free of shame and worry. I am trying to remember that I can have joy in all circumstances. And I am not there yet...I have not arrived, as Paul said. It is a process that we have to work through and keep our eyes focused on the One who will get us there. He invites us to make ourselves at home in His love. Wow...at home in His love...His perfect love. "Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." Phil 4:6-7 (The Message).

So, while I never feel good enough for others, and my laundry is done but I will have to do it again tomorrow, and my baby girl is sick with the croup, and our schedule continues to get more and more out of control, I will choose. I will choose joy. I will choose to pray instead of worry. I will choose the love and acceptance that I have instead of striving and seeking for the ones that I think I need. I will choose the Voice of Truth in the midst of the noise. I will choose Him.

crowe's nest farm...

We all went on Izzy's field trip to Crowe's Nest Farm. It was very windy and dusty and I am still tired from it, but it was fun! Oh, and the kids liked it too...

becca's first haircut...

or, otherwise known as, ding dong...the mullet's gone! She looks so grown up now that she doesn't have the crazy mullet hair thing going on. Our sweet friend, Jaclyn, cut all of the kids' hair. Not only that, but the kids loved playing with her precious kids.

trick or treat...

I have been so bad about posting lately and frankly it just exhausted me to think about posting anything remotely personal or vulnerable. Let's just say that God is still refining me...and in addition to that, I am super busy with the life of a wife and mom, as the pictures will show (especially the picture of tired frazzled mom below!). Nicky was Martian Manhunter, Izzy was Batgirl (oh, um, Hot Pink Batgirl) and Becca was Supergirl. We went to our neighborhood pumkin patch, carved some pumpkins, went to Audrey's Halloween Birthday Party, went to our neighborhood seed stomp, went to our neighborhood Halloween Carnival, went to Izzy's kindergarten Fall Carnival, volunteerd at Nicky and Becca's Noah's Ark Carnival, went to Jonathan's work Halloween Trick or Treat funtastic event, trick or treating, I went to a women's encounter and my parents came in town. Whew...I am exhausted just thinking about it all.

give me something sweet to eat...

PS...Jonathan was King Candy for his Candy Land themed Marketing Department...just in case you were concerned!