not better...not worse...just different...

Oh. My. Goodness...there are a handful of books and movies that I just think everyone needs to experience for themselves. And you know what it's like. You are so moved, so touched, you can barely stop yourself from annoying everyone around you by sharing it with them. And, I mean actually quoting from it...to everyone. I felt this way when I read "The Diary of Anne Frank, "The Hiding Place," "Redeeming Love," "Dinner With a Perfect Stranger, " "The Notebook," and "The Shack" and when I watched "Crash." Not the easiest to read or watch....some would say gut wrenching, but so worth it. Some would say...life changing. Or you would hope life changing. Like Beth Moore says about Kind Neb, you want to learn it by reading it, not experiencing it for yourself...and you want it to stick.

"Same Kind of Different As Me" is that kind of book. It will move you. It will touch you. And it will make you want to change the world. Even while knowing that perhaps the change you will make will be small...because it will start with you. I have this philosophy that we are not better...not worse than each other. Just different. And I think we are not all that different. We probably have a lot more in common, if we took the time and the change of heart to look through God's eyes. Yet, we focus on all these things that separate and divide us, when we could be looking at maybe the one thing that can unite us. And perhaps we spend entirely too much focusing on what's wrong and what needs to be changed in others, that we completely miss what needs to change in us. "Sometimes we don't recognize ourselves until we judge another and hear the Holy Spirit resound within our hearts, 'You are that person!' " (Beth Moore, Daniel). Ouch. God called us to love one another...not fix one another. Only He is qualified to do that.

"Same Kind of Different As Me" is a tale of "a modern-day slave, an international art dealer, and the unlikely woman who bound them together...gritty with pain and betrayal and brutality, it also shines with an unexpected, life-changing love...without a doubt, in the heart of God." One of the homeless men in the book tells Ron Hall, the rich art dealer, that we aren't all that different. We are all just a few paychecks, an unfortunate circumstance, and our spouse leaving us away from being on the streets. Denver Moore, the modern-day slave, sees the irony in how rich people call raw fish "sushi" and the poor man calls it "bait." Though but for the grace of God, go I.

"I guess we were pretty good at the whole Christian thing - or maybe we were bad at it - because we managed to alienate many of our old college friends. With our new spiritual eyes, we could see they didn't have fish stickers [on their cars] either, and we set about saving them from eternal damnation with all the subtlety of rookie linebakers. Looking back now, I mourn the mutual wounds inflicted in verbal battles with the 'unsaved.' In fact, I have chosen to delete that particular term from my vocabulary as I have learned that even with my $500 European-designer bifocals, I cannot see into a person's heart to know his spiritual condition. All I can do is tell the jagged tale of my own spiritual journey and declare that my life has been the better for having followed Christ." (Ron Hall, "Same Kind of Different As Me," emphasis mine.).

Let us be changed. Forever changed. From the inside out. Let our hearts break for what breaks His heart. Let us begin changing the world by first changing the only one we can...ourselves. Just imagine...

"Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one"

Oh, how love covers a multitude of things. Sometimes, all you need is love. God's love.

have a little faith in me...

I am doing Beth Moore's Daniel bible study for the 2nd time. I did it over 2 years ago when I was pregnant with Becca. I love doing my homework and comparing my current answers with my answers from 2 years ago. Fortunately, I do detect a deeper sense of understanding, a different and fresh perspective and maturity that the past 2 years have brought. Unfortunately, I still see that some of my issues and struggles of insecurity and low-self esteem are the same. I may have made progress, but I still have so far to go. I'm not who I am meant to be yet, but at least I am not who I was. That's the whole point, right? Even Beth (yes, I feel as though we are on a first name basis...after all, she does refer to me as "beloved") says that we will never reach perfection in this lifetime. Of course she says it...scripture says it. It is only when we are called home to our Father...when we run into his arms and see Him face to face will our faith be perfected.

Doing this study is like reading a fabulous book to me. I just want to tell everyone about it. I think my husband and my small group are so annoyed with me because I want to share what I have gleamed and learned...a lot. It's timely and it's God speaking directly into my heart. And it's exciting. I want a firm and resolved faith like Daniel...and I wouldn't mind a heart like David's and a love and devotion like John's to go along with it.

We are so blessed with Jonathan's job. He got it in God's perfect timing. We learned a lot during that time of waiting. And, he is happy. It's longer hours and half of his previous pay, but he is a man that comes home happy. And that's worth a lot. And I truly believe that God is using this new salary to challenge us to see where our hearts and priorities are. What's truly important? What lasts? Did you know that if you can afford to buy a book and have the education to read a book, you are richer than the majority of the people in the world?

I have also been feeling Him speaking this to me about our schedules and how we spend our time. What are we doing that will be eternal? My relationship with God. Praying for my husband and my children is eternal. My friendships. Ministering to the hurts and emotional wounds of others. Listening to others people's stories. Sharing mine. Giving God all of the glory. I am so excited (when I am not stressed sorting through coupons at the grocery store or wondering where the time went) to see what God will do with our obedience and trust to His will and provisions.

It takes resolve to make it in this "Babylonian" culture. Without resolve, we will lose our identity and integrity in our over-indulgent, self-absorbed and permissible culture, Beth teaches. "Whether or not we are conscious of it, you and I are daily being indoctrinated and 'trained' by our culture...God wants us to recognize the critical priority of deliberate training in godliness." It's also a choice. In a culture where we are given 7-10 different choices just when we order our coffee, it's a choice whose voice we listen to. Is it the magazine rack? Hollywood? Neighbors? Friends? Or the only One whose voice matters? If our relationship is right with the Lord and we are listening to only his voice...no one else's matters. And, just like the three thrown into the fiery furnace, we don't have to defend our choice to anyone. We only have to answer to God. Whew...I know that's not a new concept to anyone, but for someone that worries about what other people think entirely to much, it was such a relief.

Beth talks about how our unresolved sin and untreated weaknesses leave a foothold for the enemy. We can either deal with our "stuff" with God or our "stuff" will deal with us...and the enemy will use it against us...any chance he can get. I am trying to deal with my stuff...for my walk, for God's hand print to be all over me, for my marriage, for my children and for my friendships. Hurt people, hurt people. Because, when we haven't dealt, we are just the walking wounded leaving a trail of hurt in our wake. And, like Celebrate Recovery says, "God never wastes a hurt" (when we deal with it, that is). Beth talks about how grateful she is for her two humble daughters "who will risk people knowing they're imperfect in order to minister." I love that. LOVE it! But, why is it a risk? None of us are perfect, so why is it taking such a gamble to take off the mask and be our vulnerable, imperfect, authentic selves? "What do we do with the grace we've received? We start by ripping off the labels we've placed on others who are different than us. Not just having, but showing mercy."

Who and what would I be without Jesus? I would be a mess. I remember reading "Get Out of the Pit" by Beth. Her husband had been ministering to someone on the phone. When he was done, with a heavy heart, he asked her, "Who would I have been if things had been different? If I had made different choices?" She paused and says the Holy Spirit must have spoken through her because she could never have thought to say it on her own and responded, "You are a much neater person healed than you would have been well."

This is why I would like a little Beth Moore to put in my pocket and carry her around all day.

my gift is my song...and this one's for you...how wonderful life is with you in the world...

I am reading this book, "Let Go" by Sheila Walsh, a Woman of Faith speaker, and it is wonderful. It's all about letting go and living in God's Grace. His amazing Grace. Breaking free of the shackles and living the life of freedom that God truly meant for us to live when He gave us the gift of Grace through the death and resurrection of Christ. This is my heart. This is my ministry. I'm not perfect at it...in fact most of the time I struggle with feeling like a failure. But, then I have Grace. We all do. The enemy wants to hold us back and lies to us about our progress and our value. God made us. That's our value. It is indisputable. So, why do we let it be disputed? By the enemy or anyone else? If God loves, values and accepts me...that should be enough. If God offers us Grace...shouldn't that be the least of what we offer each other? I want to. I want to love and live like Christ. I want to live it out. I want my life to reflect my faith so much that people see it just by looking and seeing God's light shining through the cracks of my brokenness. And when I'm not perfect at it or plain just messing it up...I still long for and need Grace.

I hope reading this excerpt from "Let Go" changes your heart. When I read this I thought, if I could put into words my heart...this would be it. And Ms. Walsh does it better than I ever could. It's long, but it is so worth it...

"She was sure her bag was heavier today than it was yesterday. Or perhaps, she reasoned, she was just worn it from everything going on in her life. She hadn't slept well the previous night and had awakened with such a headache. She poured coffee into a thermos and head out the door, catching a glimpse of her pale face in the glass. As she stepped outside, the insistent ringing of the phone dragged her back inside her apartment.
'We missed you last night,' a voice said with a definite edge.
'Yes, I'm sorry. I got home late and was so tired, and I hadn't taken the dog for a walk in two days. And I'm not...'
'Oh, we understood,' the voice cut in. 'It's just so easy to get into bad habits. Remember, the believer who tries to stand alone is easy prey for the enemy.'
'Yes, I know, but...'
'You missed the prayer meeting last week as well. It's not enough to pop in on Sunday mornings, you know,' the voice insisted, 'If you want to be a part of the body of Christ, you have to show up and do your part.'
'I'm actually finding it kind of hard to do my part right now.'
'And quite honestly, we feel that. Well, let's see if you can get a couple of early nights in so that you can be back to your best by Sunday.'
'I'll try, it's just that...'
'Good-bye now!'
'It's just that...I have chemotherapy on Wednesday nights now...'
But the voice was gone."

"We all long to be heard. We want to be seen as we really are, not as we at times appear to be. Like the woman in the story, we wish that life would slow down enough for us to be able to talk about what we're dealing with. I'm sure the person on the phone was well-intentioned, but good intentions can often leave us cold and alone.
Have you ever wished your friends, those in your small group, or even your spouse could hear behind what you're saying to what's really going on in your heart? Have you thought, 'Can't they see it in my eyes? Don't they know I'm sinking fast?'
Unfortunately, we live in a very fast-paced world, and all too often we find ourselves at the end of another without having connected to anyone in a meaningful way. Why is that? Is it because others don't want to listen or see our need? Or is it because we are unwilling to reveal that need? Or both?
Most often, I imagine, we don't tell others about our needs because we don't want to be thought less of. Have you ever felt misunderstood or judged by a Christian friend? If so, you know it's one of the most painful hurts the human soul can sustain. Perhaps you once you took a risk and told a friend of your struggles -- and instead of finding comfort, you experienced condemnation. Perhaps it happened at a time when your were already feeling vulnerable, and your friend's response made the pain all the more intense. Instead of feeling more known, you felt more alone. So you learned to just hold it in.
Human hearts are not rule-shaped, and when others try to squeeze us into their version of acceptability, it always causes wounds. We all long to be known, but because we fear others' reactions we have learned to guard ourselves [or, if you're like me, you don't learn that and just continue to share and get hurt!]. It is not always safe to be known. But, what if we're the ones causing the pain? What if we're not the judged but the judges?"

"I met her at a women's conference. I had been asked as a speaker to open and close a day filled with seminars and workshops. We bumped into each other in the corridor outside the main hall as we both tried to find our way to a particular room. As we walked together, we talked and discovered we had the most precious thing in common: we are both mothers of a boy. She's further down the road with her son, who is now out of high school. Christian will have turned twelve, God willing, by the time you read this book.
'I wish I had known what I know now when I was son was twelve,' she said.
'What would you have done differently?' I asked, hoping to pick up a few tips.
'I would have opened my eyes to the truth,' she said. 'I would have shaken myself out of denial.'
This was more than I'd seen coming, so I stopped walking and listened as she told me some of her son's story. It was a sad tale of drug and alcohol addiction. She adopted him when he was just a baby and had no idea he had a strong genetic predisposition to addiction. He gave his life to Christ as a young boy and had prayed over and over to be delivered, but the battles is fierce. He has been in and out of treatment programs wrestling with the demons that torment him.
I asked her what her greatest challenge or heartache has been, and her answer surprised me: she said it was watching how others in their church treated her son.
'If he had a brain tumor or cancer, they would be over with casseroles and flowers. But there are no flowers for my boy. People don't understand he is sick. They just think he is weak or a bum,' she said with tears in her eyes.
All she longed for was companionship and understanding on this terrible path she had to walk. Yet, at the time when she needed us - the church - the most, she felt our comfort the least.
I have to admit I had never thought of drug addiction or alcoholism that way. It's easy to put these struggles into the category of weakness or sin, but the reality is those whose brains are wired toward addiction go through tremendous pain if they try to break free. Everything within their bodies and brains craves the next hit the way a man lost in the desert craves water. And as if that isn't enough, those who battle addiction often feel the pain and isolation of our judgment.
As I thought over our conversation, I began to wonder how much alienation goes on in Christian circles - how many times Christians try to shove others into their version of perfection. I was uncomfortably aware that the answer was probably 'a lot.' It doesn't have to be the extremes of this type of abuse. It can be as simple of ridiculing different forms of worship. It can relate to what kind of school you send your children to or what rating of movie or video game you allow them to play."

"Jesus told his friends to go out into the world and share the gospel, not their opinions. It's what we do to one another with our words, our tone, and our body language that can make others feel isolated and judged. Have you felt that? Or have you, like me, been the one to dish it out? Did you feel justified in doing so?"

"I want us to look at what legalism does to our freedom in Christ and to our relationships to one another. As we saw in his letter to the church in Rome, Paul expressed the common cry of every believer who tried to live up to the standards of the law and fails miserably: 'What I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do...O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?' (Romans 7:15; 24) The interesting double standard, though, is that we still try to make others live up to what we cannot. That is legalism, and it is deadly. It is so easy to take the word of the law and miss the heart."

"When you break down the Ten Commandments, all God was asking us to do was to love Him and to love one another...A common thread throughout human history is our inability to live up to God's standards. But another thread can be traced: our desire to squeeze people into a mold of our making - to embrace a dead religion rather than a living truth. Both realities would leave us miserable...if it weren't for Christ. Moses gave us the Law from God, but Christ himself brought and embodied grace and truth to deliver us from ourselves and from the judgment of one another: 'For the law was given through Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ' (John 1:17).
The ground at the foot of the cross if even. There are no podiums for those who feel most worthy. There are no pits for those who feel that they don't belong. The only way to break free from this dead, stale religion is with the glorious gift of fresh-baked grace every morning for the rest of our lives!"