Well, Jonathan has a 2nd interview on Thursday morning here in Austin. It seems like the perfect next step for him and he is very excited and has been working so hard to prepare for this 2nd interview. I am so ridiculously proud of him.
After with praying with friends, church family and our pastor, I finally realized that it's okay to ask God for what we want. Chances are, He knows already! So, while I have had to intentionally and diligently prepare and open my heart to whatever the Lord has next for us and trust Him in the meantime, I am now fervently praying that He will keep us here. Home.
One of the precious things I have taken from this journey is that this is home. Being an Air Force Brat, I have never felt "from" somewhere. I never felt like I had a "home" or "roots." But, I have realized I am home. If I moved, I would tell people I was from here...little Kyle, Texas! My children are from Texas. And it's Okay to ask the Lord for our hearts desires. And be open to the answer He has prepared for us.
There have also been other phone interviews and interest in places such as Colorado, California, New York and Minnesota. Seriously. This is how I see that going:
On Friday it was a steady stream of rain and sporadic thunder rolls in the background. The temperature was low 70s, maybe high 60s. Isabelle comes home from school and wants hot chocolate. After Izzy and Nicky are cradling their steaming cups of hot chocolate, Nicky asks me if we have any firewood because, "it's so freezing outside!" I told Jonathan, "I don't think God is calling us to Minnesota."
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
intentionally content....
As I work to refocus my thoughts that have a tendency to be negative toward myself, I am intentionally looking for things to be thankful for and to see the blessings from my faithful God in even the smallest things. So instead of constantly beating myself down for the 5 pounds I want to lose (okay, 10 pounds if I really had my way) or my constant frustration with how the floor gets dirty 5 minutes after I vacuum, I choose to thank Him for a functioning body that produced 3 beautiful children and praise Him for having a floor under a roof to clean and a healthy family to make it dirty.
Every woman I know abhors laundry...no sooner are you done that there is more to do. And dare you skip one day and all of a sudden you are 2 days behind! But, now as I fold clothes, I thank Him for providing clothing for us. And that I have a washing machine and dryer that does most of the work for me.
We watched a Nooma video (you should check it out at nooma.com) last night about how we, as Americans, are rich. "God Bless America." Well, He already has. Now, how can America bless Him and bless others? We have homes, cars, shoes for our feet, food (a lot) to eat, and even clean drinking water. The States makes up 6% of the world's population, yet we consume 40% of its resources. And, I am not talking about living green or reuse and recycle. I am talking about being intentional, being thankful to Him who provides everything we need and often more, and giving back...passing it on.
Rob Bell talked about when he and his wife were first married and if they stayed on their very tight and little budget they could go out to eat once a month. That one night in a restaurant was so special that they cherished each delicious bite. Now, when they go out to eat, it's no big deal. In so many ways, our success just makes us poor. That makes my heart so sad...how much we have taken for granted. Do my kids think that going to McDonalds is a huge treat like I did growing up? He spoke about some friends that went to Europe and met so many wonderful people. People that in our American standards were poor. But, they came home to find that instead of helping and ministering to these people, they received more than they could ever give. They saw that these poor people who had nothing had the one thing we don't...Contentment.
We have to be intentional about being content. In our culture, it is so easy to focus on what else we need...more...bigger...better. No sooner do I paint one room that I am thinking about what else to do in my home. In the last few months God has really challenged me and my family to see and to look for (yes, be intentional to look for it because sadly, we could miss it...and miss His blessing that comes along with it) what is truly important in our life. And it has been an amazing journey in trusting Him.
Yes, we are rich. We are all rich. But, I think I would rather be content.
Every woman I know abhors laundry...no sooner are you done that there is more to do. And dare you skip one day and all of a sudden you are 2 days behind! But, now as I fold clothes, I thank Him for providing clothing for us. And that I have a washing machine and dryer that does most of the work for me.
We watched a Nooma video (you should check it out at nooma.com) last night about how we, as Americans, are rich. "God Bless America." Well, He already has. Now, how can America bless Him and bless others? We have homes, cars, shoes for our feet, food (a lot) to eat, and even clean drinking water. The States makes up 6% of the world's population, yet we consume 40% of its resources. And, I am not talking about living green or reuse and recycle. I am talking about being intentional, being thankful to Him who provides everything we need and often more, and giving back...passing it on.
Rob Bell talked about when he and his wife were first married and if they stayed on their very tight and little budget they could go out to eat once a month. That one night in a restaurant was so special that they cherished each delicious bite. Now, when they go out to eat, it's no big deal. In so many ways, our success just makes us poor. That makes my heart so sad...how much we have taken for granted. Do my kids think that going to McDonalds is a huge treat like I did growing up? He spoke about some friends that went to Europe and met so many wonderful people. People that in our American standards were poor. But, they came home to find that instead of helping and ministering to these people, they received more than they could ever give. They saw that these poor people who had nothing had the one thing we don't...Contentment.
We have to be intentional about being content. In our culture, it is so easy to focus on what else we need...more...bigger...better. No sooner do I paint one room that I am thinking about what else to do in my home. In the last few months God has really challenged me and my family to see and to look for (yes, be intentional to look for it because sadly, we could miss it...and miss His blessing that comes along with it) what is truly important in our life. And it has been an amazing journey in trusting Him.
Yes, we are rich. We are all rich. But, I think I would rather be content.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Thank you, Lord....
Well, we are back from our trips and yes, I took pictures, and yes, they are still on my camera. In fact, I can't even find my camera, so there will be no pictures for you to view...once again...to this, I am sure you are acclimated and come to expect.
We had a Easter Egg Hunt with our LIFE group on Sunday. Isabelle was going through her eggs (in her room by herself, lest some greedy hand tried to take any of her eggs), when she comes running downstairs yelling, "Mommy, Mommy!" As I hear this thousands of times a day, I warily stop doing laundry to see what the commotion is. She says with wonder, "I have an egg that is empty! It was empty the whole time. That means Jesus is risen!" If you have never seen the Resurrection eggs craft, you need to. It is a really neat craft that we did last year with the kids in our LIFE group. She remembered that the last egg was empty to represent that Jesus indeed is risen! Thank you, Lord! This weary mom heart was blessed and taught by the wonder and excitement for You in 6 year old.
Nicky made TWO goals in his first soccer game of the season. Of course I did not have a camera with me and even if I did, you would still not have pictures to look at...but, I wish I had! He did great! I am one proud mama!! Jonathan is coaching is team and again I am amazed with how well he does with the kids and how patient and fair he is. I guess I shouldn't be amazed...that's just who he is. But, I guess seeing it as a bystander with others is a refreshing look...and one I am thankful for.
Becca is talking more...if we could just get her to give up her paci more often -- she is an addict! She constantly keeps me on my toes and keeps me laughing. Thank you, Lord!
Jonathan has had several interviews and more to come this week. We don't know what the Lord has in store, but we are trying to prepare ourselves for anything. It has been only a month and already it's a process and lesson in faith, trust, peace and patience. But, He has been speaking to me and to my heart. I so do not want to miss out on His blessing and purpose for this for me, for Jonathan and for our family. I would rather and so desire to be in His will than to be comfortable where I am...no matter what. It has made me realize how far I have to go, but He is showing me how far I have come. He is faithful. And He loves us. He loves me. He is reminding me constantly of what He has done for us. Why do I even worry? What He could want for us is so much better than what I can come up with. Thank you, Lord!
We had a Easter Egg Hunt with our LIFE group on Sunday. Isabelle was going through her eggs (in her room by herself, lest some greedy hand tried to take any of her eggs), when she comes running downstairs yelling, "Mommy, Mommy!" As I hear this thousands of times a day, I warily stop doing laundry to see what the commotion is. She says with wonder, "I have an egg that is empty! It was empty the whole time. That means Jesus is risen!" If you have never seen the Resurrection eggs craft, you need to. It is a really neat craft that we did last year with the kids in our LIFE group. She remembered that the last egg was empty to represent that Jesus indeed is risen! Thank you, Lord! This weary mom heart was blessed and taught by the wonder and excitement for You in 6 year old.
Nicky made TWO goals in his first soccer game of the season. Of course I did not have a camera with me and even if I did, you would still not have pictures to look at...but, I wish I had! He did great! I am one proud mama!! Jonathan is coaching is team and again I am amazed with how well he does with the kids and how patient and fair he is. I guess I shouldn't be amazed...that's just who he is. But, I guess seeing it as a bystander with others is a refreshing look...and one I am thankful for.
Becca is talking more...if we could just get her to give up her paci more often -- she is an addict! She constantly keeps me on my toes and keeps me laughing. Thank you, Lord!
Jonathan has had several interviews and more to come this week. We don't know what the Lord has in store, but we are trying to prepare ourselves for anything. It has been only a month and already it's a process and lesson in faith, trust, peace and patience. But, He has been speaking to me and to my heart. I so do not want to miss out on His blessing and purpose for this for me, for Jonathan and for our family. I would rather and so desire to be in His will than to be comfortable where I am...no matter what. It has made me realize how far I have to go, but He is showing me how far I have come. He is faithful. And He loves us. He loves me. He is reminding me constantly of what He has done for us. Why do I even worry? What He could want for us is so much better than what I can come up with. Thank you, Lord!
Sunday, March 15, 2009
spring has sprung...
Spring Break...When I think of Spring, I think of renewal and growth. When I think of Break, I think of breathing, pausing, resting and refreshing. I so need a Spring Break right now! Who doesn't, right? I am choosing to look at this time in our lives as an opportunity from God for renewal and to focus on breathing and pausing.
Izzy just had her first dance competition on Saturday. Her little team did so great - they placed in the top 10 - and she had so much fun. I am so proud of their effort and sweet smiles and spirits. However, it was a long day for her and after a couple of weeks of the flu and pink eye, she could use some rest and pause and renewing of her sweet, if not dramatic, spirit.
Nicky is,well, Nicky. Sweet. He will be looking forward to looking for deer on Spring Break and starting soccer when we return.
Becca has been sick. Croup, ear infection and pink eye. We officially need to go to the ENT for both her ears and throat. I pray for healing for her little body.
Jon has been working as a contractor with his former employer. He has a 3-month contract and has been so committed to looking for a job. I love having him work from home. And while we have moments of fear, we look forward to what God is doing in our lives. What an opportunity to trust Him and serve Him. I pray that we will bring Him glory through this.
I go back and forth between peace and overwhelming anxiety with trying to keep up with everything in this thing called life. But, I am surrounded by a wonderful husband, amazing children, awesome parents, friends that are like family, and a home found in my church. Above all, I have peace in the mighty name of Christ and love and acceptance in the sovereign name of my God.
I thank all the beautiful friends that have reached out to us during these last few drama-filled weeks. We are overwhelmed and grateful for the prayers, kind words and support. How blessed we are! God is so good to us! How humbling it is to face such uncertain times and to know we are so blessed. We will be going to my parents lake house and then a Baker family reunion in Fort Meyers, Florida (the kids' first time at the beach) for Spring Break. I will post pictures from Izzy's dance competition and our Spring Break when we return. I am sure everyone is tired of my ramblings and really just wants to see pictures....of which I am hopelessly forgetful about! I hope and pray you all have some renewal and rest during your Spring Break...and maybe even a little fun!
Izzy just had her first dance competition on Saturday. Her little team did so great - they placed in the top 10 - and she had so much fun. I am so proud of their effort and sweet smiles and spirits. However, it was a long day for her and after a couple of weeks of the flu and pink eye, she could use some rest and pause and renewing of her sweet, if not dramatic, spirit.
Nicky is,well, Nicky. Sweet. He will be looking forward to looking for deer on Spring Break and starting soccer when we return.
Becca has been sick. Croup, ear infection and pink eye. We officially need to go to the ENT for both her ears and throat. I pray for healing for her little body.
Jon has been working as a contractor with his former employer. He has a 3-month contract and has been so committed to looking for a job. I love having him work from home. And while we have moments of fear, we look forward to what God is doing in our lives. What an opportunity to trust Him and serve Him. I pray that we will bring Him glory through this.
I go back and forth between peace and overwhelming anxiety with trying to keep up with everything in this thing called life. But, I am surrounded by a wonderful husband, amazing children, awesome parents, friends that are like family, and a home found in my church. Above all, I have peace in the mighty name of Christ and love and acceptance in the sovereign name of my God.
I thank all the beautiful friends that have reached out to us during these last few drama-filled weeks. We are overwhelmed and grateful for the prayers, kind words and support. How blessed we are! God is so good to us! How humbling it is to face such uncertain times and to know we are so blessed. We will be going to my parents lake house and then a Baker family reunion in Fort Meyers, Florida (the kids' first time at the beach) for Spring Break. I will post pictures from Izzy's dance competition and our Spring Break when we return. I am sure everyone is tired of my ramblings and really just wants to see pictures....of which I am hopelessly forgetful about! I hope and pray you all have some renewal and rest during your Spring Break...and maybe even a little fun!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
chaos in color...
Well, it has been an eventful week....I will keep it brief to spare you all of the boring little details. For starters, I read The Shack. My review: You HAVE to read it. Not only is it a beautiful story of why bad things happen in God's world, but it is beautifully written. It is prose in poetry and a touching, heartwarming story of God's perfect love and grace. It is certainly unconventional, but that's what makes it so special.
Then I went into the doctor's office for a simple outpatient procedure. In the middle of it (with my legs in stirrups no less...seriously) my heart stopped and I went into cardiac arrest. They bagged me, did CPR and after a minute gave me epinephrine in my IV. I woke up to 10 people staring at me in shock. Questions came flying at me..."How do you feel?", "Are you OK?", "Does your chest hurt?", "Your heart stopped.". My response: "What?", "I'm so sorry!", "Where's my husband?", "Where are my pants?"
After an eventful ambulance ride and a few hours in the ER (where, after The Shack, I realized that God sent me an angel in the form of a kind and beautiful black woman), they kept me over night for observation. It was a freaky reaction to the anesthesia and maybe even a combination of the kind of procedure.
My doctor said that the stars were aligned for me that day. I say it was God. The nurse in the room was a former ICU nurse and immediately started CPR. The anesthesiologist knew exactly what to do in an unusual, not often seen, experience in the OBGYN offices.
I have never felt more blessed and loved...and humbled. Not only do I feel like God isn't through with me yet, but through this chaos, He has shown us beautiful friends, neighbors and church that have felt more like family. My friend, Marla, spent the night with me in the hospital so Jonathan could be with the kids. Friends watched the kids all afternoon and evening for us. Dinner offers poured in. And most importantly...concern, love, support and prayers. God is so good!
I'm still sore and still processing it all. I hope I can honor Him through this and show others the same love that was shown to me. If only I could put my gratefulness in words.
That's not all...yesterday, my dear and wonderful husband lost his job. It is a scary time right now, but we are choosing to trust God. He is our provider and all good things come from Him. Not only that, He works all things for good! I know He is working something in and out and through us that is so big, it's bound to be beautiful.
I ask you for your prayers as we follow and obey our AMAZING God.
Then I went into the doctor's office for a simple outpatient procedure. In the middle of it (with my legs in stirrups no less...seriously) my heart stopped and I went into cardiac arrest. They bagged me, did CPR and after a minute gave me epinephrine in my IV. I woke up to 10 people staring at me in shock. Questions came flying at me..."How do you feel?", "Are you OK?", "Does your chest hurt?", "Your heart stopped.". My response: "What?", "I'm so sorry!", "Where's my husband?", "Where are my pants?"
After an eventful ambulance ride and a few hours in the ER (where, after The Shack, I realized that God sent me an angel in the form of a kind and beautiful black woman), they kept me over night for observation. It was a freaky reaction to the anesthesia and maybe even a combination of the kind of procedure.
My doctor said that the stars were aligned for me that day. I say it was God. The nurse in the room was a former ICU nurse and immediately started CPR. The anesthesiologist knew exactly what to do in an unusual, not often seen, experience in the OBGYN offices.
I have never felt more blessed and loved...and humbled. Not only do I feel like God isn't through with me yet, but through this chaos, He has shown us beautiful friends, neighbors and church that have felt more like family. My friend, Marla, spent the night with me in the hospital so Jonathan could be with the kids. Friends watched the kids all afternoon and evening for us. Dinner offers poured in. And most importantly...concern, love, support and prayers. God is so good!
I'm still sore and still processing it all. I hope I can honor Him through this and show others the same love that was shown to me. If only I could put my gratefulness in words.
That's not all...yesterday, my dear and wonderful husband lost his job. It is a scary time right now, but we are choosing to trust God. He is our provider and all good things come from Him. Not only that, He works all things for good! I know He is working something in and out and through us that is so big, it's bound to be beautiful.
I ask you for your prayers as we follow and obey our AMAZING God.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
grace like rain....
"Grace is the face that love wears, when it meets imperfection." -- Joseph R. Cooke
I am in the midst of two really great books. One is a novel written by a former writer for The David Letterman Show. It is so witty and fun...I laugh out loud at least once in every chapter! I am also reading a book called TrueFaced: trust God and others with who you really are. A friend read an excerpt from this book a while ago and I was intrigued. The above quote comes from this book...a simple, yet profoundly honest book.
To be able to offer others grace, forgiveness and Christ-like love, comes first from us receiving it from God and others. Do I, in meeting imperfection, first offer grace and love? And how can I truly if I haven't received it for myself? And do I offer myself grace in the face of my own imperfections? And do any of us well?? Unfortunately, I have encountered a lot of ungrace in the very place we should experience grace. That saddens me. Fortunately, I have witnessed beautiful examples and aspire to emulate them.
I am trying to focus on the grace God gives and not the grace humans give. Essentially, that's truly the only grace that matters. It's truly the only relationship that matters. If I am right with God, all other relationships will be worked out by Him and through Him. And, essentially, it comes down to focus. Where I choose to focus will be where my thoughts, and subsequently my heart, are.
This is something you think I would have settled long ago along my Christian walk. I became a Christian at 15, but God has done more work in me in the last 3 years than one can possibly imagine. A friend said this exact thing recently and it amazed my how much this summed up my Christian walk. This concept of being willing to receive His gift of grace and perfect love, in order to give grace and love is not lost on me. I get it...intellectually I get it. And I want desperately to receive it...once and for all. Just somewhere from my head to my heart, the message gets fuzzy. I have moments when I get it...heart and soul get it...and receive the very grace from God that I so do not deserve. For this I am forever grateful. But, most of the time, I find that this is my most basic struggle in my faith. From this basic principle and first step of faith stems all of my personal struggles. I have hope that this struggle will get easier on my quest of becoming more like Christ and less like me. And I hope that I am not alone in this struggle of accepting and receiving grace and love. I continue to pray that God will imprint this in my thoughts and engrave this in my heart.
But God is so good and faithful to me. He continues to speak to me and work in me and never gives up on me. He has given me a wonderfully patient and honest husband and encouraging and awesome friends to help me through this journey. They show me grace and love every day. And three amazing children that I want to live by example for.
I am in the midst of two really great books. One is a novel written by a former writer for The David Letterman Show. It is so witty and fun...I laugh out loud at least once in every chapter! I am also reading a book called TrueFaced: trust God and others with who you really are. A friend read an excerpt from this book a while ago and I was intrigued. The above quote comes from this book...a simple, yet profoundly honest book.
To be able to offer others grace, forgiveness and Christ-like love, comes first from us receiving it from God and others. Do I, in meeting imperfection, first offer grace and love? And how can I truly if I haven't received it for myself? And do I offer myself grace in the face of my own imperfections? And do any of us well?? Unfortunately, I have encountered a lot of ungrace in the very place we should experience grace. That saddens me. Fortunately, I have witnessed beautiful examples and aspire to emulate them.
I am trying to focus on the grace God gives and not the grace humans give. Essentially, that's truly the only grace that matters. It's truly the only relationship that matters. If I am right with God, all other relationships will be worked out by Him and through Him. And, essentially, it comes down to focus. Where I choose to focus will be where my thoughts, and subsequently my heart, are.
This is something you think I would have settled long ago along my Christian walk. I became a Christian at 15, but God has done more work in me in the last 3 years than one can possibly imagine. A friend said this exact thing recently and it amazed my how much this summed up my Christian walk. This concept of being willing to receive His gift of grace and perfect love, in order to give grace and love is not lost on me. I get it...intellectually I get it. And I want desperately to receive it...once and for all. Just somewhere from my head to my heart, the message gets fuzzy. I have moments when I get it...heart and soul get it...and receive the very grace from God that I so do not deserve. For this I am forever grateful. But, most of the time, I find that this is my most basic struggle in my faith. From this basic principle and first step of faith stems all of my personal struggles. I have hope that this struggle will get easier on my quest of becoming more like Christ and less like me. And I hope that I am not alone in this struggle of accepting and receiving grace and love. I continue to pray that God will imprint this in my thoughts and engrave this in my heart.
But God is so good and faithful to me. He continues to speak to me and work in me and never gives up on me. He has given me a wonderfully patient and honest husband and encouraging and awesome friends to help me through this journey. They show me grace and love every day. And three amazing children that I want to live by example for.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
ponderings of a tired mind....
I am just wondering....do we ever get to the point where we achieve balance? Or is it always a struggle? Or is it a gray area (where I often like to mingle) and made up of seasons and phases of success mixed with seasons and phases of struggle? Because no sooner do I think that I have a system, a schedule, a routine, my priorities set and prayed over and some semblance of control (do you like how I still hold some sense of denial in thinking that I actually have any control?) that I get off track or distracted or behind. It seems like the littlest thing out of the norm throws me for a loop and I find myself in a state of being overwhelmed and struggling to find (achieve, if you will?)...balance.
I am just wondering....does anyone else allow the tone of their day to be set by the number on their scale? If it's low or within the accepted range...it's a good day. If it's a few pounds higher...it's a terrible day.
I am just wondering...is time going by faster? Is it slipping away? I am 32....My husband is 36. It has been almost 11 years since I graduated from college. It has been almost 15 years since I graduated from high school. Isabelle is about to lose her first tooth, Nicky is almost 5, and Becca is, well, a little crazy.
I am just wondering...does anyone else feel, with time moving at the speed of sound, well, overwhelmed with it all? To plan, but live in and enjoy the moment. To be a mom, a wife, a friend, a daughter, AND find and fulfill your destiny by following God's will and plan for your life?
I am just wondering....does anyone still struggle with doubt and insecurity? We are in our 30s and are parents ourselves, raising the next generations of warriors and princesses for Christ. Does anyone remember thinking their parents knew everything? Our dads were our heroes and our moms were always there with the perfect answer and cookies and hot chocolate. Does anyone feel like those are pretty big shoes to fill and that, while I can make cookies and hot chocolate, I don't have all the right answers?
I am just wondering...does anyone else feel that we all have our own issues and struggles and we are all doing the best we can? And wouldn't life be easier if we encouraged and accepted everyone as we are and where we are, each acknowleding our own issues? If we did, we all would probably have a lot less issues and reasons for insecurity and self-doubt. Or, at the very least, life, as we know it, would be a little bit easier.
I wonder...why did God make me this way and what does He have planned? How can all of my weaknesses, issues, and ponderings be used for His glory?
Does anyone? Or is it just me?
I am just wondering....does anyone else allow the tone of their day to be set by the number on their scale? If it's low or within the accepted range...it's a good day. If it's a few pounds higher...it's a terrible day.
I am just wondering...is time going by faster? Is it slipping away? I am 32....My husband is 36. It has been almost 11 years since I graduated from college. It has been almost 15 years since I graduated from high school. Isabelle is about to lose her first tooth, Nicky is almost 5, and Becca is, well, a little crazy.
I am just wondering...does anyone else feel, with time moving at the speed of sound, well, overwhelmed with it all? To plan, but live in and enjoy the moment. To be a mom, a wife, a friend, a daughter, AND find and fulfill your destiny by following God's will and plan for your life?
I am just wondering....does anyone still struggle with doubt and insecurity? We are in our 30s and are parents ourselves, raising the next generations of warriors and princesses for Christ. Does anyone remember thinking their parents knew everything? Our dads were our heroes and our moms were always there with the perfect answer and cookies and hot chocolate. Does anyone feel like those are pretty big shoes to fill and that, while I can make cookies and hot chocolate, I don't have all the right answers?
I am just wondering...does anyone else feel that we all have our own issues and struggles and we are all doing the best we can? And wouldn't life be easier if we encouraged and accepted everyone as we are and where we are, each acknowleding our own issues? If we did, we all would probably have a lot less issues and reasons for insecurity and self-doubt. Or, at the very least, life, as we know it, would be a little bit easier.
I wonder...why did God make me this way and what does He have planned? How can all of my weaknesses, issues, and ponderings be used for His glory?
Does anyone? Or is it just me?
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