ok, God, i get it...

I am reading several books at one time right now. I am reading Loving What Is by Byron Katie that a friend is letting me borrow. Warning: It is a bit kooky. And, yes, that is a profound literary criticism. The premise is rational, but I think she tends to lean a bit more to the eastern philosophy or actually just her philosophy. And her philosophy is a bit kooky. The basic premise is that we can change our thinking through a series of questions. Once we can acknowledge the truth behind our flawed human thinking we can accept reality with a sense a peace and understanding. It's thinking and loving with detachment. I have kept an open, yet prayed for a protected mind, while reading this. While taking it with a grain of salt, there are a few things that have stood out to me...

"If you begin by pointing the finger of blame outward, then the focus isn't on you. We're often quite sure about what other people need to do, how they should live, whom they should be with. We have 20/20 vision about other people, but not about ourselves. When you do this work, you see who you are by seeing who think other people are. Eventually you come to see that everything outside of you is a reflection of your own thinking. You are the storyteller, the projector of the story, and the world is the projected image of your thoughts...ask you yourself: is it true? Can you absolutely know it to be true? How do you react when you think this thought? Who would you be without the thought?"

As I have shared before, it has been very humbly to acknowledge my flawed and destructive thinking. And not just toward myself, but toward others. It's hard to look at the defects in myself. But, I am grateful for this lesson, because God is working on me to remove them. Or at least change them. He is, after all, the master at working all things for good.

I am also doing the bible study No Other Gods by Kelly Minter. It is about the functional gods that we can be worshipping in our lives without our even realizing it. I think we, as a society, are at an all time high with this. I don't know if we ever have had so many people seeking and obsessing over things other than God. Ok, we probably have (remember Babylon...the 60s?)...but, since things cycle around, it seems we are in the Renaissance cycle waiting for the Victorian Age. Food, Drugs, Alcohol, Porn, Sex are obviously the big ones. But, also, Money, Power, Status, Position, Image, Body Image, Acceptance, Pride, Shopping/Materialism, Relationships, Busyness, TV, Gaming, Denial...and the list can go on and on.

Kelly listed two definitions for idols that have not only opened my eyes, but have convicted me.

"Most of us think of an idol as a statue of wood, stone, or metal worshipped by pagan people...In biblical terms, it is something other than God that we set our heart on (Luke 12:29; 1 Cor 10:19), that motivates us (1 Cor 4:5), that masters and rules us (Ps 119:133; Eph 5:5) or that we trust, fear or serve (Isa. 42:17; Matt 6:24; Luke 12:4-5)...And idol can also be referred to as a 'false god or a 'functional god.'

"An idol is something within creation that is inflated to function as a substitute for God. All sorts of things are potential idols, depending only on our attitudes and actions [perhaps also our thinking?] toward them...Idolatry may not involve explicit denials of God's existence or character. It may well come in for the form of an over attachment to something that is, in itself, perfectly good...An idol can be a physical object, a property, a person, an activity, a role, an institution, a hope, an image, an idea, a pleasure, a hero - anything that can substitute for God."

"The evil in our desire typically does not lie in what we want, but that we want it too much."

Anyone feeling convicted? I know I did. Never before did I think of relationships, acceptance, or body image as idols before. I knew from my time in Alanon and Recovery that they were not healthy and I have been working on them. But, I sure did hear a stern word from God while working on this study. Like it says, in and of themselves, they are not bad. But when I have an over attachment to them, that is when they have become idols. How much time and energy have I spent thinking and obsessing over these things that have produced nothing by worry, fear and anxiety?

Kelly Minter says, "I remember that awful feeling of being under the power of something or someone...I think the only thing worse than being under the control of something to no fault of my own is to be under the control of something I've actually created. It's pain with extra sides of guilt and regret...Lack of inward freedom is one of the most agonizing experiences of human existence. The one redeeming aspect is that blessings can grow out of our exasperating struggles with giants who are stronger than we are. I have been thoroughly changed, mostly for the good, from such bouts with weakness and powerlessness, even though it seemed unimaginable at the time."

Well, welcome to Celebrate Recovery! That is basically the 1-8 steps of recovery...the process and work I have been doing for over 3 years. I am beginning to see a recurring pattern here for me. Do you think God is speaking to me? I mean, it's not just the Loving What Is book or the No Other Gods bible study, but a friend gave me the book, A Woman and Her God. I picked it up last night before Celebrate Recovery. God granted me 15 minutes before the meeting started for some peace and quiet. With the kids in bed, Jonathan at work, candles lit and a fire in the fireplace (yes, it is actually in the 50s in Texas...cold enough for a fire, if you ask me!), I praised Him for that quiet time. I prayed for our home, our women and our meeting. Then I read the first chapter of the book. God picked it out just perfectly and led me to read it as our devotional before our meeting.

"An unsatisfied soul is an accident waiting to happen. Consider the saying, 'Nature abhors a vacuum.' Human nature also abhors a vacuum. In other words, we avoid feeling empty and always find ways to fill it. God created that void so we would seek Him. We are not satisfied by simply accepting salvation and then ascending to heaven when the time comes. Instead, God wants us to have a relationship with Him during our lifetime. When we don't, we set ourselves up for disaster. If we don't find satisfaction with God, we will look for it somewhere else [this is a message dear to my heart and one I share with anyone interested in recovery]. When we do, we default to one of two things: subsistence living or substitute living.

Consider the word subsistence. One definition of the helpless is that they are poor and needy, 'subsisting on the alms of others.' The picture painted here is a beggar. If we subsist on the alms of others, our heart is just a vacuum; we're needy people because we were created that way. We need to be loved. We need to be affirmed. Those are not weaknesses. We were created with those needs, and we are like beggars when our soul is not satisfied by God. It's like we walk around all day with an empty cup, asking people to fill it up. We may go to our spouse, our children, our friends. We may even ask our coworkers, neighbors, and pastor, 'Can you fill my cup?' The problem is that we go to them seeking what only Christ was mean to provide. We can affirm one another, even fulfill one another, but it was God's design right from the beginning that He alone would satisfy our soul's desire. We were meant to thrive on the riches of His love."

The next part about substitute living is clinging to things other than the love of God...idols, anyone? Since we have already covered the idol talk...I will leave it here.

Does anyone else see the recurring theme of His word for me? OK, God, I get it! It's either really exciting or really scary when you know God so desperately wants you to get His message that He comes at you from every angle. I am choosing to be really excited...God is talking to me! He loves me so much that He is captivating my thoughts with everything I read and everyone I talk to. He loves me enough to change me. I pray that I will be obedient to His word and open to His work in me. I pray to be a different person at the end of this particular jounrey. I would like to be a shiny trophy for God...a reflection of His grace for His glory.