I have been trying to remind myself that my thoughts produce my feelings. It's not the people or the world around me...it's my perception of them that produces the thoughts that produce my feelings. It has been very humbling to see and accept how flawed my thinking is. But, I am beginning to see how empowering this is...when I compare myself to others and allow myself to think that external factors are making me feel a certain way, then I am giving all power to them. Whereas, if I gently remind myself that it is MY thoughts...well, then I have the power of Christ in me to change my thinking. I no longer want to rely on my flawed human thinking...I want to think like Christ. I would like to see the world and the flawed humans in it through His eyes and with His perspective.
It's hard...if there ever was an understatement. It's work for me right now. Hard work. Daily Work. Sometimes even minute to minute work. I asked someone if it ever gets easier and I was assured that, yes, it does. It never stops...if I want to continue to mature, grow and change, then the work will never end. But, it should get easier. This person also defined trust and obey in a way that I never knew of before and has changed the way I think of them now. He said that the Greek root origin for obey means to "listen attentively." Wow...how inviting. How doable. I would like to listen attentively. He said that trust is the next step to faith. That faith is the core and center of everything...without it we are lost. But, trust is what we do with our faith. It is trusting God to take us to the next step and trust that He will take care of it and us. Trust is Faith in action...the best way to emulate faith is to walk in trust.
How desperately I want to trust God with everything. I think I fool myself into believing I do, but I so don't. My worries, fears, insecurities, flawed demand thinking and comparing are all symptoms of not trusting God with everything. I am still trying to find the balance in life...to be in the world, but not of it. To love like Christ, but with healthy boundaries with unhealthy people. To not have an easy life, but a simple life. Remember that book that I raved about this summer? Breathe: Creating Space for God in a Hectic Life? I was so inspired and determined to have that...to simplify. And before I knew it, I am looking at my calendar, feeling more than a little overwhelmed, wondering how I got here and not quite seeing how I can change it.
I have been working on boundaries, but realizing that it is hard for me. I think I am naturally an open, unguarded and trusting person...trying to set boundaries and seeing the need for some guardedness is putting me out of my comfort zone. I am trying to listen to my intuition that I have always ignored in the past. But, to be honest, I am feeling that I need to have more boundaries than less...trust less people than more. That most people have their own issues and are too busy looking at everyone else's to be bothered to see their own and hurting people, me, in the process. It saddens me to feel this way...but, I think God is showing me that the only One that I can truly and completely trust and depend on is Him. And that maybe He only gives us a couple of true friends at a time to help us through out journey of becoming more like Him.
One of my old and dear friends, Jackie, posted the below on their blog (It's a really good one...check it out at www.fuchsfamily.blogspot.com) and it spoke so much to me this morning. The quote from Charles Swindoll speaks of a sense of healthy detachment that is so much a part of recovery, but frankly, hard for me to achieve. Again with the balance...to be relational, but with a healthy detachment in order to keep God's perspective.
In my times with God I've been reading through Proverbs. You would be right to assume that I am searching for solid direction and wisdom this Fall (insert smiley face). Since the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge and fools despise wisdom and instruction (see Proverbs 1) I want to be rolling with the first part of that Proverb. Here is a quote from Charles Swindoll's Living on the Ragged Edge that I came across. Thought I would once again share something that has helped give me a clearer understanding of how I should see my little world.
"I've thought about what the Scriptures are teaching on wisdom and I've come up with this : Wisdom is the God-given ability to see life with rare objectivity and to handle life with rare stability. When we operate in the sphere of the wisdom of God, when it is at work in our mind and in our life, we look at life through lenses of perception, and we respond to it in calm confidence. There's a remarkable absence of fear. We are not seized with panic. We can either lose our jobs or can be promoted in our work, and neither will derail us. Why? Because we see it with God-given objectivity. And we handle it in His wisdom.We can dip into an unexpected valley or we can soar to the pinnacle of prosperity, and we can cope with both extremes. His wisdom provides us the necessary objectivity and stability. That's the way life is when it is lived in the palm of His hand. This is not some dreamland fantasy. It is reality. It is the ability to live above the drag of human opinion and horizontal perspective. It is what happens within us when wisdom goes to work."
No comments:
Post a Comment