Tomorrow is Izzy's 7th birthday. Seriously. SEVEN. I remember when my friends' kids were turning 7 and I thought that seemed so old. It's the first birthday where they really aren't little kids any more. It's her first "Big Girl" birthday...and it's breaking this mommy's heart. I am so proud (and just a little relieved) that she committed her life to Christ and followed Him in baptism this year. And I am so excited to see her relationship with the Lord grow as she continues to grow in Him. I just pray that she will forever have a heart for God and will follow Him all the days of her life. I pray that her identity and confidence will be found in Christ...and in Christ alone. I pray that I will not fail miserably in this precious job that God entrusted in my care.
We are busy. I wonder how we got here. I always have good intentions to have a slower and simple pace of life and then, before you know it, I am over-committed and stressed. With all good things like dance (seeing Becca in tap shoes and how much Izzy loves it is precious), piano, soccer (seeing my sweet, quiet Nicky shine on the field is awesome!), prayer meetings like Moms in Touch, bible study, Homeroom mom, and Celebrate Recovery. All wonderful things. But, then add cleaning, cooking, laundry, driving, errands, paying bills, volunteering...um, life...and you have stress. And with stress, it seems that the joy - even in the good things - is gone.
Now, I just want to create space and time to breathe...to refresh and renew...for me, my marriage, my family and my ministry. To have joy...in all things. To give God glory for all of these amazing opportunities and blessings He has faithfully lavished on us. All of us. How many times do I just stop and say "Thank you, Lord!" without asking for anything? He tells us to come to Him with gratitude...a thankful heart and spirit. Oh, how we should be so humbled with how He has blessed us. Oh, how selfish we are with His grace. Why do we get so caught up in ourselves and our lives that our thank yous are short and our list of petitions are long?
"Repentance is one of the most wonderful privileges Christ has given us through Hiss cross...we haven't repented, however, until we've experienced what 2 Corinthians 7:10 calls 'godly sorrow.' It's the kind that brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret...the first inappropriate response to the awareness that we've treated holy things as unholy is a lack of repentance. The other extreme is debilitating guilt and an unwillingness to let go of past failure long after repentance. God is looking for the healthy response of godly sorrow that brings repentance, not emotional self-mutilation."
I was made for God. I was made to love Him. We all were. There is so much from this week's homework from Daniel that spoke to me that I don't even know where to start. I just feel really blessed. To see how He has worked in my life...how He has delivered and redeemed me. Why is it so easy to forget to have a grateful heart and spirit? I would be a mess without Jesus! And I was. And a lot of times, I still am! That's why I need Him. I don't know why it's so hard for me to accept and believe that I am holy vessel for God. Because He says I am. That should be enough for me to believe it. But, I hold onto old patterns of thinking and lies that I am not. And I find myself thinking how dishonoring that is to Him. Boy, do I want my life to reflect my heart and what God has done in it!
"Beloved, my 'hopeless sorrow' totally missed the meaning of the biblical word redemption. God redeems something by buying it back through the payment of a ransom. He gave the life of His Son as the ransom to buy us back from the clutches of sin. He has also bought back the rights to our past and all its failures. It we cooperate, He'll turn every single one of those failures into something useful for His kingdom."
We all have our past and our failures...our hurts, old habits and patterns of behavior. Beth Moore talked about "keeping our noses clean." Recovery talks about "keeping your side of the street clean." Both mean to deal with your stuff and keep right with God. But, it also means that we are not going around wiping other people's noses or sweeping up their sides of the street. That is up to them to do. I pray that we will all deal with our "stuff" and repent..."to get off repentant knees white as snow, utterly pure and totally restored to fellowship with God." To no longer walk around with gaping wounds, but to walk upright...healed...with just the scars to tell our testimony.
"God isn't looking for perfection. He's looking for purity of heart: our authentic desire to do His will and give Him glory...You and I want God to be able to look on us amid our overindulged, self-absorbed culture, then glance to His right and say, 'She has an extraordinary spirit, doesn't she, Son?' Perhaps Christ will nod His head and, while thinking the thoughts of an anxious bridegroom, lean over and say, 'And isn't she beautiful?'
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