paved with good intentions...

Have you ever felt like you are going backwards?? I find myself at my parents feeling more overwhelmed with what's coming up than relaxed on a semi-vacation. I got so much done while the kids stayed with them for a week. I purged and organized, decluttered and got ready for a new school year of paperwork and activities to come. I am shamelessly and ridiculously proud of my laundry room where all things school and cleaning are kept (I so wish I could call it a mud room....does anyone actually have a mud room? I keep seeing them in magazines and hope to meet someone that actually has one). I went through all of the clothes and closets, 2 bins and 6 bags of trash. And I now realize and accept that it is impossible to do that kind of cleaning and normal day to day cleaning. I went to the gym in the morning and I worked on organizing from 12-7 every day...and did nothing else. No wonder only one type of cleaning gets done at a time. I was able to save one day for total top to bottom house cleaning and one day for me.

I spent delicious time with my husband. We had evenings to ourselves and a terrific date. I think we ran the dishwasher once and the only reason I had more than one load of laundry to do was to do the sheets. Wow....but, as much as I accomplished and loved time with my sweet hubby...I desperately missed my kids. You know the quote, "Being a mother is like having your heart walk outside of your body for the rest of your life." How to strike the balance.....no seriously, how??

I read a book, "Breathe: Creating Space for God in a Hectic Life" that my sister in law gave my last summer as I panicked and obsessed before Izzy started kinder. I found myself drawn to this book again as I picked reading material for my parents lake house. As I started reading it, I thought, "Wow...this is so me...I really need to apply this...why didn't I remember this from last time?" Now, do you know what I mean about going backwards? This book talks about the Hurried Woman's Syndrome (seriously) and how hurry and stress effects our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health. It stresses how imperative it is to live from the Center and how to keep God as the Center in order to slow down, simplify and live intentionally for Simplistic Sabbath. How we need to say "NO" as much as we say "YES". All things that we know and that we actually desire...so why is it so hard? And why do some women seen to be able to strike and achieve that balance better than others? Why do I seem to worry and obsess more than others? All things that I am sure Sam and I will discuss in depth more...

So, while I try to focus my thoughts more on gratitude and thankfulness...try to live in the spirit of joy, patience, kindness, love and self-control...try to slow down, simplify and have intentional Sabbath, I have several appointments for the kids and me, dance classes for Izzy and Becca, piano for Nicky and Izzy, soccer for Nicky, Back to School Night, Women's Ministry and Celebrate Recovery....oh and 5 pounds to lose that don't seem to be wanting to go anywhere...no matter how many times I wake up at 5 am to go workout...waiting for me when I return. Paved with good intentions...isn't that what they say? To be in the world, but not of it. To have a full life, but not get lost in the hurry of it. Paradoxes and contradictions. As Sam would say, life is all about holding these two things...contradictions and paradoxes in your hands at the same time....Balance.

If anyone has any insight, please feel free to share. I think we all need to know we are not alone in figuring out this thing called life. To not feel judged, but to know we are doing the best we can. To not be faced with criticism...goodness knows I provide enough for myself that I don't need it from anyone else. But, to be faced with compassion and understanding and maybe even relating. And perhaps when we make strides and grow in understanding and achievement of these things, we should remember from whence we came to get there. I am so lucky to have my amazing husband and family and women that in my life that I admire and that I can learn from. God has been so good to me. We are renewed and refined to bring glory to Him and to share it with others...to give Hope.