keeping the faith...

Jonathan's job is going well. He is happy and without a laptop and blackberry from the company, he is not expected to work from home. I didn't realize how much time he spent working at home before. He's coming home later, which makes for a long day for mama, but when he's home he is 100% home. It's such a blessing! He is making less than half of what he was making before. It's going to be a huge adjustment for us. It's worth the sacrifice and I know that God will use this time as a valuable lesson for us to refocus on what's truly important and truly be grateful for what we have been given. We are still luckier than most...all of us are.

I am going on my 6th week straight of working out hard. WHEW! I just want props for keeping up with it...because I am tired! I am getting my lab work done next week to check my iron and thyroid levels again to make sure they are still in the normal range. I'm back to feeling fatigued and sluggish, which has been a struggle this summer with 3 kids (sick on and off), this ridiculous heatwave and just trying to keep up. That's how I feel....just trying to keep up...and it's exhausting. But, enough of my pity party, right? But, I will say, old school Bon Jovi is great to run to! When we come back from Dallas, I am planning on doing the Body for Life plan. Jonathan did it years ago and it was fabulous...perhaps after a 6 year break he might be willing to try again! :) Hmmm....we will see...

The kids and I will be leaving for Dallas tomorrow. We will be going to American Girl for Becca's birthday lunch and spending time with Nana and Papa both in Dallas and at the lake house. I am hoping for a break and some relaxation. My kids, without much of a structured schedule, have been up late this summer and Becca has all of a sudden decided not to sleep. I can't believe I am actually looking forward to school so that we can get back into a routine and schedule!

Izzy is loving dance team again and she and Nicky are going to start piano lessons when we get back from Dallas. Nicky is signed up for Fall soccer again and is so excited for Jonathan to coach his team again. Becca loves her dance class and dances to every song or commercial she hears...especially my cell phone Black Eyed Peas ring tone. It was very entertaining at the dentist office.

It's hard to believe that when we come back from Dallas, we will only have 3 weeks left until school...another year.

It's been a while...

Ok....first of all, I would like major props for my new blog. For those that know me, know that I am not a crafty person. I leave the scrapbooking, card making and cake decorating to those friends of mine that do it well...and Martha Stewart. And that fact that I have updated my blog at all is an achievement in itself!

Well, it has been quite a summer...Izzy finished kindergarten...and I survived. Nicholas turned five last week. Becca is as crazy as ever...and has finally started talking a little. Even if she is the only one who can truly understand what she is saying. She will be 2 at the end of this month. That and her starting her dance class has made her seem less like a baby and more like a big girl. Jonathan started a new job...right after his 3 month contract with Grande ended. And it seems to be the perfect job for him that kept us here in this place that has become home. In God's perfect timing and his many blessings that we never seem to deserve. It has also been a summer of ear infections and viruses and we are finally healthy -- all at once!

I witnessed a dear friend say good-bye to her mother after a long battle with cancer. I missed out on being there with an old friend who said to good-bye to her mother after a long battle with cancer. I am witnessing a dear friend dealing with her father's recent cancer diagnosis. And I am witnessing a dear friend fighting cancer. All three of them with grace, honesty, strength and much, much faith. They have been such an inspiration and a reminder of God's power and love. And I ask...with real life and real problems is it really necessary that we are seriously on a week of Michael Jackson news coverage?

I have started a new work out program with a friend that does private Pilate's sessions. It has been amazing. I finally realized with 3 kids, a husband that doesn't get home until 7pm and a home and life to take care of, the only way I would get it fit in would be to get up at 5:15 every morning to work out. I am proud to say that I am on my 4th week. I am past the exhaustion part and now looking forward to seeing results! Or, rather, I am trying to keep a positive attitude that I will see results after all this hard work!

I am also looking forward to some down time this summer...visiting my parents, leaving the kids with them to be spoiled for a few days while my hubby and I get spoiled by having alone time together for the first time in a long time. I am looking forward to my "retreat" before school starts again...heading to the lake house alone for a short weekend to spend time with God...to refocus, refresh and renew.

Izzy will be baptized right before school starts (I can't believe she will be starting 1st grade and turning 7)...she asked Jesus into her heart this summer after VBS. God is so good and I pray that she continues to follow Him all the days of her life. We have decided we will not be having any more birthdays in the Baker home. I don't mean parties...I mean birthdays. Izzy cannot ever turn 8, Nicky 6 or Becca 3...that's just too old and it would mean they are growing up. I just realized that in 11 short years or so Izzy will be leaving home. Ouch. Time is just moving too fast! At least Nicky will have one more year before heading off to kindergarten. And Becca, well, she loves her dance class, make up and shoes...I think we are in trouble! :)

I feel like I have fallen behind on keeping in touch...facebook, blogging, emails...they can consume so much time. I have taken a huge step back from keeping up with those in the last few months. But, I realized I have missed the family updates of my far away friends. I hope you all are well and feeling blessed!

summer daze...

OK...so my oldest is about to graduate from kindergarten. (sigh...pause...as I wipe my eyes). She is very sad and every time it comes up, she tells me, "Mommy, don't remind me." They had to clean out their kinder room today and she said that she cried. It probably doesn't help that her precious teacher is having a hard time holding back her own tears. While I truly believe she is sad and will greatly miss her wonderful blessing of a teacher, I am a little more concerned for me. When I dropped her off at school this morning I ended up getting caught in the hallway by the National Anthem. As I watched them sing and then Pledge of Allegiance at their little tables, my eyes filled up. We have their kindergarten graduation tomorrow morning and then their last day of school on Friday. When did time start going by so fast? She will be officially a first grader. A FIRST grader. She can read. When did that happen?? Nicholas, my sweet baby boy, will be turning five in June. FIVE. Becca, the baby, will be two. Two going on Twelve.

Nicky could officially start kinder this Fall, but we are waiting a year. He has had his second season of soccer and has turned out to be really great at it, if I must say. Becca is doing her first swim lessons this summer. She seems so little. Then I remember that Nicky was exactly this age when he did his first lessons with Ms. PJ. Seriously? She starts dance in 2 weeks. Yes. Little Becca in pink tights and ballet shoes. She is so excited!

Izzy tried out for dance team again and made level two with all of her friends from level 1. She was very nervous about making a level and what level she would be on. Now she is so excited to start on level 2 classes this summer. She seems to be starting on the journey of balancing being excited about moving forward while sad about leaving things and people behind. I don't think she realizes that yet, but it is a balance we try to strike for the rest of our adult lives. This amazing book I just read said, "A stinging pang of longing shot through me and I found myself of the verge of tears. I wondered if that's what I was up to, if I were doing what so many others have done, upstarts who head off to adventure in the big city only to choose the life their parents had chosen, moving onward and backward at the same time."

Isn't that what life's journey is? Moving onward and backward at the same time? Striving and progress, but never perfection in this lifetime. Isn't the art of understanding and maturing being able to balance two contradictions, two paradoxes, at the same time? That's what someone really smart and grounded told me once. It was after being reminded of this statement that I had a semi-epiphany. I look back into my past and see someone who was so naive, innocent and idealistic. I realized I have been sad and disappointed about losing those characteristics through my years of growing up, being hurt and overcoming. But, perhaps I haven't lost something. Perhaps, I have gained. I have gained experience, maturity, growth and maybe even a little wisdom. Perhaps it's a little of both. In order to gain something, we have to be willing to let go of something else. In order to "put on a new person in Christ" we have to be willing to let go of the old. Maybe we have to be willing not only for God to forgive us, but for us to forgive ourselves. I am not the person I was in high school. But, I am also not the person I was in college. I am not even the person I was yesterday. And by the grace of God I am constantly changing. I just pray that it's for the better...but every once in a while, I go backwards. Thank God for the grace to begin again...

This quote was on my friend's Praying for Kristi Blog...God is doing so many amazing miracles....big and small...I pray that we do not miss out on experiencing or witnessing even one of them...

"Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. Grab life by the mane. Set God-sized goals. Pursue God-ordained passions. Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God. Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future. Stop playing it safe and start taking risks. Expand your horizons. Accumulate experiences. Consider the lilies. Enjoy the journey. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can. Live like today is the first day and last day of your life. Don't let what's wrong with you keep you from worshipping what's right with God. Burn sinful bridges. Blaze a new trail. Criticize by creating. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don't try to be who you're not. Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away. Chase the lion."
- Mark Batterson

dazed and confused...

There is so much going on right now, that I can't even wrap my head around it or make any sense of it. Life has gotten hectic. Just normal daily things to keep up with now that we are nearing the end of the school year. Then the not-so-normal things like still waiting on the Lord for what's next for Jonathan as far as work and what that means for us as a family. Then the uncertain things like finances, the economy, the nation, and the world. Then the "why" things like a 33-year-old friend and mom of 4 diagnosed with lymphoma cancer and another friend's mom home for hospice care.

I mentioned this to Jonathan the other day...how things seem so uncertain all of a sudden all at the same time. And he reasoned, quite pragmatically I might mention, that things are no different than they were this morning or yesterday or last year. Nothing is ever for certain and we have no guarantees. We have a sovereign God of grace who is mighty to save and overcomes the world. But, our world is a fallen one. Things just seem to be happening all at once around here, but yesterday, last week, last year...it was happening to someone else...we were just wrapped in our own false sense of security. Well.

Then I thought, "That's such a man response." Then I thought, "I just wish I could see things through God's eyes and heart." And then I kept asking, "But, Why?"

I am praying for complete healing for my friend and peace and comfort beyond understanding for my other dear friend. I pray for God's provision and guidance for wisdom and discernment for all of us trying to navigate this life in this world at this time. I pray for unlimited faith and trust...and joy during these uncertain times. I pray that the word of our testimonies will be strengthened and hope for others will grow as a result.

Today is just the tomorrow we worried about yesterday. One day at a time. Let go and let God. God is good...all the time. He is faithful. I don't know what He's up to...but, He does. Let's let God do what He does best.

baby, it's cold outside...

Well, Jonathan has a 2nd interview on Thursday morning here in Austin. It seems like the perfect next step for him and he is very excited and has been working so hard to prepare for this 2nd interview. I am so ridiculously proud of him.

After with praying with friends, church family and our pastor, I finally realized that it's okay to ask God for what we want. Chances are, He knows already! So, while I have had to intentionally and diligently prepare and open my heart to whatever the Lord has next for us and trust Him in the meantime, I am now fervently praying that He will keep us here. Home.

One of the precious things I have taken from this journey is that this is home. Being an Air Force Brat, I have never felt "from" somewhere. I never felt like I had a "home" or "roots." But, I have realized I am home. If I moved, I would tell people I was from here...little Kyle, Texas! My children are from Texas. And it's Okay to ask the Lord for our hearts desires. And be open to the answer He has prepared for us.

There have also been other phone interviews and interest in places such as Colorado, California, New York and Minnesota. Seriously. This is how I see that going:

On Friday it was a steady stream of rain and sporadic thunder rolls in the background. The temperature was low 70s, maybe high 60s. Isabelle comes home from school and wants hot chocolate. After Izzy and Nicky are cradling their steaming cups of hot chocolate, Nicky asks me if we have any firewood because, "it's so freezing outside!" I told Jonathan, "I don't think God is calling us to Minnesota."

intentionally content....

As I work to refocus my thoughts that have a tendency to be negative toward myself, I am intentionally looking for things to be thankful for and to see the blessings from my faithful God in even the smallest things. So instead of constantly beating myself down for the 5 pounds I want to lose (okay, 10 pounds if I really had my way) or my constant frustration with how the floor gets dirty 5 minutes after I vacuum, I choose to thank Him for a functioning body that produced 3 beautiful children and praise Him for having a floor under a roof to clean and a healthy family to make it dirty.

Every woman I know abhors laundry...no sooner are you done that there is more to do. And dare you skip one day and all of a sudden you are 2 days behind! But, now as I fold clothes, I thank Him for providing clothing for us. And that I have a washing machine and dryer that does most of the work for me.

We watched a Nooma video (you should check it out at nooma.com) last night about how we, as Americans, are rich. "God Bless America." Well, He already has. Now, how can America bless Him and bless others? We have homes, cars, shoes for our feet, food (a lot) to eat, and even clean drinking water. The States makes up 6% of the world's population, yet we consume 40% of its resources. And, I am not talking about living green or reuse and recycle. I am talking about being intentional, being thankful to Him who provides everything we need and often more, and giving back...passing it on.

Rob Bell talked about when he and his wife were first married and if they stayed on their very tight and little budget they could go out to eat once a month. That one night in a restaurant was so special that they cherished each delicious bite. Now, when they go out to eat, it's no big deal. In so many ways, our success just makes us poor. That makes my heart so sad...how much we have taken for granted. Do my kids think that going to McDonalds is a huge treat like I did growing up? He spoke about some friends that went to Europe and met so many wonderful people. People that in our American standards were poor. But, they came home to find that instead of helping and ministering to these people, they received more than they could ever give. They saw that these poor people who had nothing had the one thing we don't...Contentment.

We have to be intentional about being content. In our culture, it is so easy to focus on what else we need...more...bigger...better. No sooner do I paint one room that I am thinking about what else to do in my home. In the last few months God has really challenged me and my family to see and to look for (yes, be intentional to look for it because sadly, we could miss it...and miss His blessing that comes along with it) what is truly important in our life. And it has been an amazing journey in trusting Him.

Yes, we are rich. We are all rich. But, I think I would rather be content.

Thank you, Lord....

Well, we are back from our trips and yes, I took pictures, and yes, they are still on my camera. In fact, I can't even find my camera, so there will be no pictures for you to view...once again...to this, I am sure you are acclimated and come to expect.

We had a Easter Egg Hunt with our LIFE group on Sunday. Isabelle was going through her eggs (in her room by herself, lest some greedy hand tried to take any of her eggs), when she comes running downstairs yelling, "Mommy, Mommy!" As I hear this thousands of times a day, I warily stop doing laundry to see what the commotion is. She says with wonder, "I have an egg that is empty! It was empty the whole time. That means Jesus is risen!" If you have never seen the Resurrection eggs craft, you need to. It is a really neat craft that we did last year with the kids in our LIFE group. She remembered that the last egg was empty to represent that Jesus indeed is risen! Thank you, Lord! This weary mom heart was blessed and taught by the wonder and excitement for You in 6 year old.

Nicky made TWO goals in his first soccer game of the season. Of course I did not have a camera with me and even if I did, you would still not have pictures to look at...but, I wish I had! He did great! I am one proud mama!! Jonathan is coaching is team and again I am amazed with how well he does with the kids and how patient and fair he is. I guess I shouldn't be amazed...that's just who he is. But, I guess seeing it as a bystander with others is a refreshing look...and one I am thankful for.

Becca is talking more...if we could just get her to give up her paci more often -- she is an addict! She constantly keeps me on my toes and keeps me laughing. Thank you, Lord!

Jonathan has had several interviews and more to come this week. We don't know what the Lord has in store, but we are trying to prepare ourselves for anything. It has been only a month and already it's a process and lesson in faith, trust, peace and patience. But, He has been speaking to me and to my heart. I so do not want to miss out on His blessing and purpose for this for me, for Jonathan and for our family. I would rather and so desire to be in His will than to be comfortable where I am...no matter what. It has made me realize how far I have to go, but He is showing me how far I have come. He is faithful. And He loves us. He loves me. He is reminding me constantly of what He has done for us. Why do I even worry? What He could want for us is so much better than what I can come up with. Thank you, Lord!