I came across this blog and it really resonated with me. I thought everyone would get something out of reading it. Who couldn't use a little piece of peace? Sometimes I get so busy with bible studies and ministries, that in all the good things, the peace I am seeking gets lost. This reminded me that it's in the simplest and most quiet times with Jesus where we encounter it. Embrace it.
Why is Quiet Time With Jesus So Important?
When Jesus rose from the grave and appeared in the midst of the disciples meeting behind locked doors, I imagine they were stunned- shocked- overjoyed.With great intentionality Jesus chose the words he would use to greet his beloved disciples. Of all the themes he could have chosen in the moment, he picked what they needed most. What was it?Joy?Hope?Love?While all of these would have certainly been appropriate, Jesus didn't touch on any of the above. He simply said over and over again, "Peace be with you!" According to John 20, it is the first thing He said. He said it again before breathing on them to receive the Holy Spirit. Then when addressing Thomas and his doubts, he said it again, "Peace be with you!"And isn't it interesting that each time Jesus is recorded as saying this, it ends with an exclamation point. This tells me that not only was Jesus intentional with saying this, He was also emphatic. He said it with great emphasis and urgency.Why Peace?And Why did Jesus say it with that particular phrasing "Peace be with you!"?I have a theory. The world is really good at conjuring up facades. Temporary moments of worldly happiness can appear joyful. The world takes hope and mistakes it for wishful thinking. And the world has made love a dime store word used to describe a feeling that can change with the wind.You see, the world can appear to offer joy, hope, and love. The world's offering of these is fleeting, temporary, and dangerously unstable... but it can put on a good show in the short term."I got that promotion- Joy!""I think we can afford this expensive house- hope!""He likes spending time with me- I think I'm in love!"However, jobs can be lost in an instant, houses can be foreclosed on, and feelings of love go as quickly as they come.So for a moment or two the world can offer fake joy, hope, and love.But it can not offer fake peace. It can offer peaceful settings and rituals to conjure up peaceful thoughts... but not true soul contentedness peace. The peace that flows despite circumstances can only be found through Jesus being with us. That's why Jesus phrased it the way he did, "Peace be with you!" In other words, you can walk through anything my sweet follower, if you realize that I am peace and I am with you."So, why is it so important to spend time with Jesus everyday? He will give you the exact instruction and comfort you will need to handle all He sees coming your way today. It is the perfect measure of His peace, packaged up just for you. You can stick it in your pocket and carry it with you throughout your day.Then with great expectation we can face the day and everything in it. Jesus has already whispered to us how to act and even more challenging how to react in every situation. So, instead of being a slave to our emotions and reacting based on feelings, we can remain victoriously peaceful no matter what.Last night we had dinner with a couple who were asking lots of questions about how Art and I handle all that is on our plate... 5 kids, a growing ministry, a restaurant business. We assured them that some days we handle it well but honestly other days it gets a little wacky.Then the husband paused and said, "yes, but through it all you just seem to have such peace."And with that I stuck my hand in my pocket and smiled.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
i would fly far away...
Remember the scene in Forrest Gump when he tries to help his childhood friend, Jenny (that's pronounced Jen-ny), from her abusive home? She goes running out to the corn fields and little Forrest goes running after her. She says, "If I were a bird, I would have wings and I would fly far...far away from here." In college (being that I went to The University of Alabama...yes, Forrest's Alma Mater), whenever we would get stressed, tired or overwhelmed, we would say that joking around, with the worst southern accent we could muster. Now, it takes on a whole new meaning. Ever have a time in your life when you wish you could just fly...far...far away from where you are?
"There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings." - Hodding Carter, Journalist.
Isabelle is growing up so fast. In fact, they all are. But, she starts kindergarten this Fall. I never thought I would be that mom that would have a hard time come kindergarten. But, you know what? I am so that mom. And I feel this unbelievable and overwhelming pressure to deal with my stuff and try to get myself together before that chapter in our lives starts. I feel God pressing this desire onto my heart...not just for me to experience the freedom of His grace, but to be able to pass that along to my children.
I had a great childhood and wonderful parents. And I still have stuff to hash out. I just want to know at the end of the day, that I did the best I could. That the roots of our family are set firmly in the foundation of God. That I am the person God created me to be and honored Him with my thoughts and actions. To bring Him glory, even out of the stuff I have when I finally release it to Him.
The message of Shiloh last night was amazing. Once again, I felt God speaking directly to me. Angela spoke about Sanctification and how it is not what we are or what we do, but who we are. It is not something we earn. Sanctification is peace and blessing that comes from putting our trust in Christ. We are God's treasured possession. We are holy because He says we are. The enemy can't take away our holiness, so he will just try to convince us that we don't have it. Pleasing God is not a means to holiness, but is the fruit of it. Oh, how I wish everyone could hear the message first hand, because I so don't do it justice.
I felt the hint of freedom -- God calling that out to me -- but then immediately the overwhelming sensation of having to start all over again. For someone who has spent her life working, earning and pleasing, I am now having to let that concept go. After 31 years, it feels comfortable to be there. Familiar. It's a little scary to think of who I will be and what my life will be like without it. I know that's sounds incredibly asinine. Why would I balk at freedom? Well, I am trying to figure it out. And I am willing to wrestle with God until the blessing.
"But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord." (2 Corin 3:18).
I feel God preparing us for something great. Something so much bigger than us. Only He can take what the enemy means for evil and make it glorious. When I voiced my frustration and brokenness about seeing so many hurting people around me, a friend reminded me that in order for there to be a revival, there must be something to be revived from. In order for there to be redemption and restoration, there must first be something, someone broken. In the meantime, we stand, right now, in the hope of His promises and His character. His redemption, restoration and revival.
"There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings." - Hodding Carter, Journalist.
Isabelle is growing up so fast. In fact, they all are. But, she starts kindergarten this Fall. I never thought I would be that mom that would have a hard time come kindergarten. But, you know what? I am so that mom. And I feel this unbelievable and overwhelming pressure to deal with my stuff and try to get myself together before that chapter in our lives starts. I feel God pressing this desire onto my heart...not just for me to experience the freedom of His grace, but to be able to pass that along to my children.
I had a great childhood and wonderful parents. And I still have stuff to hash out. I just want to know at the end of the day, that I did the best I could. That the roots of our family are set firmly in the foundation of God. That I am the person God created me to be and honored Him with my thoughts and actions. To bring Him glory, even out of the stuff I have when I finally release it to Him.
The message of Shiloh last night was amazing. Once again, I felt God speaking directly to me. Angela spoke about Sanctification and how it is not what we are or what we do, but who we are. It is not something we earn. Sanctification is peace and blessing that comes from putting our trust in Christ. We are God's treasured possession. We are holy because He says we are. The enemy can't take away our holiness, so he will just try to convince us that we don't have it. Pleasing God is not a means to holiness, but is the fruit of it. Oh, how I wish everyone could hear the message first hand, because I so don't do it justice.
I felt the hint of freedom -- God calling that out to me -- but then immediately the overwhelming sensation of having to start all over again. For someone who has spent her life working, earning and pleasing, I am now having to let that concept go. After 31 years, it feels comfortable to be there. Familiar. It's a little scary to think of who I will be and what my life will be like without it. I know that's sounds incredibly asinine. Why would I balk at freedom? Well, I am trying to figure it out. And I am willing to wrestle with God until the blessing.
"But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord." (2 Corin 3:18).
I feel God preparing us for something great. Something so much bigger than us. Only He can take what the enemy means for evil and make it glorious. When I voiced my frustration and brokenness about seeing so many hurting people around me, a friend reminded me that in order for there to be a revival, there must be something to be revived from. In order for there to be redemption and restoration, there must first be something, someone broken. In the meantime, we stand, right now, in the hope of His promises and His character. His redemption, restoration and revival.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
turn this life around...
Okay. My friend, Kimberly, emailed me impatiently asking where my blog was for this week. I just didn't have anything to say. For those that know me...I know, shocking. Well, let me clarify...I didn't have anything positive to say. It's just been a crazy kind of time lately. With Celebrate Recovery and people knowing Jonathan and my story, we are blessed with hearing the stories and struggles of others. While it is a blessing and a priveledge to pray for and encourage friends and the people God puts in our path, it can also be heart-breaking. It is hard to hear in a week's time of struggles with divorce, alcoholism, addiction, death, infidelity, eating disorders, anxiety and depression.
It weighs so heavy on my heart and I wish so much that there was more I could do. I ask God, "Why?" We are not living out a story line in a movie or soap opera. This is real life. And in real life, people are hurting, suffering and feeling lost. It's so easy to think or say, "Stop it. Just stop it." Especially with Christians...People say, "Go to God. If you have God then you have all you need. Get in the Word." How hard it must be for people, especially Christians, to admit that they are struggling or that they need help. Because we feel, too, that if we are walking with God, that should be enough. It is such a big deal for people to admit that they are having a hard time. It is a bigger deal to take the first step into getting help. It is an even bigger deal to go to your first recovery meeting. In fact, I am of the belief that everyone should be in recovery. And news flash...if you think that you have no reason being in recovery, then you're probably the type of person who needs it most! :) I know that most people hear "recovery" and think of just alcohol or drugs. Our recovery program allows people to address and start to allow God to heal them from all kinds of hurts, hang-ups and habits. If you are alive, breathing and walking around, chances are you've been hurt or hurt someone else that you need to lay it down, ask for forgiveness and be restored. If you are above the age of 18, chances are you have some baggage you are carrying around...that Christ wants to carry for you. There is freedom in being authentic and vulnerable and say, "I don't have it together. I am having a hard time." Whew. I have seen miracles start from just that. Freedom from no longer carrying the burden and the secret all alone.
By the way, I don't have it together and I am having a hard time! Maybe not every day, but I still struggle with things. Right now, lots of things. Right now, more often than not. They may not be alcohol or drugs. But, they can be just as destructive or damaging. Insecurities, worry, anxitey, anger, stress, body image and eating issues, fear and control. Things I think I have dealt with and put behind me. Things that I thought I has hashed out and resolved with God. Yup, some of all of those things still creep back up. Sometimes when I least expect it. For example, I went bathing suit shopping over the weekend. It was such a terrible experience, my husband took the 2 older kiddos to the car so that I could take my time. I spent most of my time in the fitting room looking at Becca through tear-filled eyes telling myself that she was all worth it. All worth having to go to the "Tankini". All worth having to buy a "Mom" bathing suit. (Having to buy extra bra inserts, no less!). It was not my best day.
My kids just had nachos for dinner because I didn't have time to plan ahead. And by "nachos" I mean tortillas chips with some processed cheese on top. We are getting our carpet pulled up and staining our concrete floors because our dog has a weak bladder. All of my furniture is in hallways, piled in the kitchen and all over counters and in bathrooms. The kids and I are sharing one bathroom, Becca's crib is in the guestroom, we are sleeping in the kid's loft on the sofa bed, and I believe Jonathan is shaving in the kitchen sink. My laundry (have I mentioned that I abhor laundry?) is all over the kitchen. You would think that this would be a unique situation because of the work being done on the house. Well, it is. Usually I hide it all in my bedroom, so I can close the door and shut it away.
I cannot live without caffeine. And even with this addiction (that I refuse to go into recovery from), I am still exhausted. For the first time in my life, I feel like...a mom. Not some young, chic, uber-cool mom. Just a tired, can't-keep-it-together, mom. I finally break down in tears from the frustration, stress and realization that yes, I am no longer cool, now am a tired mom and confess this to my husband. He says oh-so-lovingly, "Well, you are getting older and you are a mom." (Have I mentioned before that my love language is affirmations?). He can't seem to understand why I am so upset. I respond, just as lovingly, "You really suck at knowing what to say." (Again, have I mentioned affirmations?).
Isabelle, my 5 year old, is trying out for the Pre-Team Dance Team with her Dance School. Yes, Dance Team. They have auditions and everything. She has been begging for over a year. She starts Kindergarten in the Fall. She is a mature, sweet, polite little girl one minute and a bona-fide sassy, drama queen the next. She is growing up. I am having a hard time with this.
Nicholas, my only son, made a goal in last week's soccer game! He tends to be a shy little guy that I worry about not finding the right thing that will draw our his amazing and silly personality. I don't know if soccer is it, (I mean, he's only 3), but he seems to have come out of his shell and has found confidence on his team.
Becca, my sweet Becca, has two teeth, smiles almost all of time and has the sweetest disposition of any baby. I am blessed.
I keep trying to keep my focus on God. And I know that with my focus on Him, He will bring balance to my life, family, time and priorities. In Him, I will find rest in His grace and mercy. In Him, I will find peace and joy in all my circumstances. I just want to know that I am on His path and living His will in my life. Most of all, I want to please Him and bring Him glory.
Whole Again by Jennifer Knapp
Daddy, daddy do you miss me.
The way I crawled upon your knee.
Those childish games of hide and seek
Seem a million miles away.
Am I lost in some illusion.
Or am I what you thought I'd be.
Now it seems I've found myself
In need to be forgiven.
Is there still room upon that knee?
If I give my Life, If I lay it down
Can you turn this Life around, around
Can I be made clean
By this offering of my soul.
Can I be made whole again?
Have I labored all for nothing.
Trying to make it on my own.
Fear to reach out to the hand
Of one who understands me
Say I'd rather be here all alone.
It's all my fault I sit and wallow in seclusion.
As if I had no hope at all,
I guess truth becomes you
I have seen it all in motion
That Pride comes before the fall.
If I give my Life, If I lay it down
Can you turn this Life around, around
Can I be made clean
By this offering of my soul.
Can I be made whole again?
Can I offer up this simple prayer.
Pray it finds a simple ear.
A scratch in your infinite time.
Not withstanding my fallings
Not withstanding my crime!
If I give my Life, If I lay it down
Can you turn this Life around, around
Can I be made clean,
By this offering of my soul.
Can I be made whole again?
It weighs so heavy on my heart and I wish so much that there was more I could do. I ask God, "Why?" We are not living out a story line in a movie or soap opera. This is real life. And in real life, people are hurting, suffering and feeling lost. It's so easy to think or say, "Stop it. Just stop it." Especially with Christians...People say, "Go to God. If you have God then you have all you need. Get in the Word." How hard it must be for people, especially Christians, to admit that they are struggling or that they need help. Because we feel, too, that if we are walking with God, that should be enough. It is such a big deal for people to admit that they are having a hard time. It is a bigger deal to take the first step into getting help. It is an even bigger deal to go to your first recovery meeting. In fact, I am of the belief that everyone should be in recovery. And news flash...if you think that you have no reason being in recovery, then you're probably the type of person who needs it most! :) I know that most people hear "recovery" and think of just alcohol or drugs. Our recovery program allows people to address and start to allow God to heal them from all kinds of hurts, hang-ups and habits. If you are alive, breathing and walking around, chances are you've been hurt or hurt someone else that you need to lay it down, ask for forgiveness and be restored. If you are above the age of 18, chances are you have some baggage you are carrying around...that Christ wants to carry for you. There is freedom in being authentic and vulnerable and say, "I don't have it together. I am having a hard time." Whew. I have seen miracles start from just that. Freedom from no longer carrying the burden and the secret all alone.
By the way, I don't have it together and I am having a hard time! Maybe not every day, but I still struggle with things. Right now, lots of things. Right now, more often than not. They may not be alcohol or drugs. But, they can be just as destructive or damaging. Insecurities, worry, anxitey, anger, stress, body image and eating issues, fear and control. Things I think I have dealt with and put behind me. Things that I thought I has hashed out and resolved with God. Yup, some of all of those things still creep back up. Sometimes when I least expect it. For example, I went bathing suit shopping over the weekend. It was such a terrible experience, my husband took the 2 older kiddos to the car so that I could take my time. I spent most of my time in the fitting room looking at Becca through tear-filled eyes telling myself that she was all worth it. All worth having to go to the "Tankini". All worth having to buy a "Mom" bathing suit. (Having to buy extra bra inserts, no less!). It was not my best day.
My kids just had nachos for dinner because I didn't have time to plan ahead. And by "nachos" I mean tortillas chips with some processed cheese on top. We are getting our carpet pulled up and staining our concrete floors because our dog has a weak bladder. All of my furniture is in hallways, piled in the kitchen and all over counters and in bathrooms. The kids and I are sharing one bathroom, Becca's crib is in the guestroom, we are sleeping in the kid's loft on the sofa bed, and I believe Jonathan is shaving in the kitchen sink. My laundry (have I mentioned that I abhor laundry?) is all over the kitchen. You would think that this would be a unique situation because of the work being done on the house. Well, it is. Usually I hide it all in my bedroom, so I can close the door and shut it away.
I cannot live without caffeine. And even with this addiction (that I refuse to go into recovery from), I am still exhausted. For the first time in my life, I feel like...a mom. Not some young, chic, uber-cool mom. Just a tired, can't-keep-it-together, mom. I finally break down in tears from the frustration, stress and realization that yes, I am no longer cool, now am a tired mom and confess this to my husband. He says oh-so-lovingly, "Well, you are getting older and you are a mom." (Have I mentioned before that my love language is affirmations?). He can't seem to understand why I am so upset. I respond, just as lovingly, "You really suck at knowing what to say." (Again, have I mentioned affirmations?).
Isabelle, my 5 year old, is trying out for the Pre-Team Dance Team with her Dance School. Yes, Dance Team. They have auditions and everything. She has been begging for over a year. She starts Kindergarten in the Fall. She is a mature, sweet, polite little girl one minute and a bona-fide sassy, drama queen the next. She is growing up. I am having a hard time with this.
Nicholas, my only son, made a goal in last week's soccer game! He tends to be a shy little guy that I worry about not finding the right thing that will draw our his amazing and silly personality. I don't know if soccer is it, (I mean, he's only 3), but he seems to have come out of his shell and has found confidence on his team.
Becca, my sweet Becca, has two teeth, smiles almost all of time and has the sweetest disposition of any baby. I am blessed.
I keep trying to keep my focus on God. And I know that with my focus on Him, He will bring balance to my life, family, time and priorities. In Him, I will find rest in His grace and mercy. In Him, I will find peace and joy in all my circumstances. I just want to know that I am on His path and living His will in my life. Most of all, I want to please Him and bring Him glory.
Whole Again by Jennifer Knapp
Daddy, daddy do you miss me.
The way I crawled upon your knee.
Those childish games of hide and seek
Seem a million miles away.
Am I lost in some illusion.
Or am I what you thought I'd be.
Now it seems I've found myself
In need to be forgiven.
Is there still room upon that knee?
If I give my Life, If I lay it down
Can you turn this Life around, around
Can I be made clean
By this offering of my soul.
Can I be made whole again?
Have I labored all for nothing.
Trying to make it on my own.
Fear to reach out to the hand
Of one who understands me
Say I'd rather be here all alone.
It's all my fault I sit and wallow in seclusion.
As if I had no hope at all,
I guess truth becomes you
I have seen it all in motion
That Pride comes before the fall.
If I give my Life, If I lay it down
Can you turn this Life around, around
Can I be made clean
By this offering of my soul.
Can I be made whole again?
Can I offer up this simple prayer.
Pray it finds a simple ear.
A scratch in your infinite time.
Not withstanding my fallings
Not withstanding my crime!
If I give my Life, If I lay it down
Can you turn this Life around, around
Can I be made clean,
By this offering of my soul.
Can I be made whole again?
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
a heart like his
I am doing a Beth Moore bible study right now on David, called A Heart Like His. In my homework this week is talked about David listening to the conviction of the Holy Spirit and not acting on the opportunity and taking Saul's, his king, father-in-law, and persecutor, life. She says, "Remember, the same Holy Spirit who anointed David with His presence also dwells in New Testament believers. As we draw nearer and nearer to God, our sensitivity to conviction and our discernment of wrongdoing will increase. If we are filled by the His Spirit, conviction will be met with a change of behavior."
Wow! You mean the very Holy Spirit that inhabited and dwelled in a man like David, a man after God's own heart, a man anointed by the Lord to lead His people, a man with a heart like His, is the same Holy Spirit that lives and abides in me? I tell you, the most simple and basic concepts are the most awe-striking, amazing, and "light-bulb" moments for me lately. I am in awe and jealous for the type of intimate, deep and personal relationship that David had with the Lord. No, he wasn't perfect. Yes, he struggled in his desperate want to do the right and godly thing. Yes, he made mistakes. But, his relationship with the Lord was so strong. He could give all and everything to Him. His Psalms are so wrought with emotions that I never thought to say out loud to God (like, He doesn't already know!). That it was okay to admit that you are angry or hurt or want justice or mercy. To be yourself with the One who knows and loves you best.
I was reading a devotional book to Isabelle and Nicholas, Why is There a Cross?, the night before Easter. Yes, I cried. But, Isabelle -- with her child-like heart and faith -- said, "Mommy, it's okay. He is risen. He is alive!" Again, the most simple and basic concepts...He is risen! He is alive! And He abides in me. And He abides in you. And we can Stand in His Grace. And Rest in His Peace.
The More I Seek You
The More I seek You
The More I find youthe more I find you
The more I love you
I want to sit at you feet
drink from the cup in your hands
lay back against you and breath
feel your heartbeat
this love is so deep
it's more than I can stand
I melt in your peace
it's overwhelming
Wow! You mean the very Holy Spirit that inhabited and dwelled in a man like David, a man after God's own heart, a man anointed by the Lord to lead His people, a man with a heart like His, is the same Holy Spirit that lives and abides in me? I tell you, the most simple and basic concepts are the most awe-striking, amazing, and "light-bulb" moments for me lately. I am in awe and jealous for the type of intimate, deep and personal relationship that David had with the Lord. No, he wasn't perfect. Yes, he struggled in his desperate want to do the right and godly thing. Yes, he made mistakes. But, his relationship with the Lord was so strong. He could give all and everything to Him. His Psalms are so wrought with emotions that I never thought to say out loud to God (like, He doesn't already know!). That it was okay to admit that you are angry or hurt or want justice or mercy. To be yourself with the One who knows and loves you best.
I was reading a devotional book to Isabelle and Nicholas, Why is There a Cross?, the night before Easter. Yes, I cried. But, Isabelle -- with her child-like heart and faith -- said, "Mommy, it's okay. He is risen. He is alive!" Again, the most simple and basic concepts...He is risen! He is alive! And He abides in me. And He abides in you. And we can Stand in His Grace. And Rest in His Peace.
The More I Seek You
The More I seek You
The More I find youthe more I find you
The more I love you
I want to sit at you feet
drink from the cup in your hands
lay back against you and breath
feel your heartbeat
this love is so deep
it's more than I can stand
I melt in your peace
it's overwhelming
Sunday, March 16, 2008
under construction...
I am a woman under construction. A work in progress. God is doing some work in me and I have to be honest that it hasn't been easy (that last blog probably didn't give that away, eh?). But, I also don't regret this struggle because I know that as He carries me through it, I will grow to be a more whole person in Him and bring Him glory on the other side of this struggle. There will be other struggles to come and maybe even more of this same one, but I live right now in the hope that as I grow, my walk will become stronger, the struggles easier, the path straighter, and the answers more clear.
Does everyone else struggle like this? Sometimes I feel like I am the only one. Then I have conversations with other women and I realize that I am not alone in this struggle of being and becoming. The struggle for me is and always has been insecurity...being too much and not enough at the same time...that who I am and what I have to offer is not enough or right...I have realized that I am a 31 year old woman that has spent most of her life trying to be who and what I thought others wanted...trying to please. Always measuring myself compared to everyone else. How is it ever possible to measure up? All this does is diminish me, my heart and my confidence of anything I might have to offer. I know as Christians, we should be held to a higher standard...the whole world is watching. I know as Christians, we should be held accountable. Heck, I think everyone should be held accountable. Most people are too busy trying to find something or someone else to blame than to take the time to be held accountable for their own behavior and choices. But, I am my own harshest critic and I usually don't need judgement, criticism or a guilt trip to feel that I should be doing better and more than I am.
I guess what I am trying to say is...as women, shouldn't we be in this thing together? It's hard enough as it is. Being a mom is hard. Being a wife is hard. Most days I wonder if I am doing either one well enough. I think most women don't feel like they have all the answers and have it all together, yet spend so much time pretending that they do. What if we were all just a little more honest...a little more vulnerable...a little more authentic? We could encourage and edify...not judge, compete, compare and tear down. The book, Captiviting, references the "striving woman"...the woman who is always trying harder and working harder...to be and do better. This woman is never at rest and puts her standard on everyone else. She is saying, "I cannot accept you the way you are, you need to work harder and be more. Your heart is not safe here because I am not willing to reveal mine." “Earnestness is not by any means everything; it is very often a subtle form of pious pride because it is obsessed with the method and not with the Master.” (Oswald Chambers). Or we could be the woman with a beauty to unveil...a woman who rests in Christ and offers that beauty and rest to other women...offering the grace to be and the room to become. I know this is the kind of woman I desire to become. I want other women to see my true heart and true beauty that I have to offer...I want to offer the grace and room to other women to do the same. How can we reflect Christ's image when we're too busy trying to present a certain image of perfection? He was perfect, but we are not. Nor will we ever be in this lifetime...no matter how hard we try. And how utterly exhausting and defeating to live our lives trying to attain such a lofty goal that is completely unattainable. We may experience glimpses and moments of feeling like we have it all together or we are exactly who and where we were made to be or that we are at the top of the hill on this roller coaster ride of life. Because we're never going to stay there...if we are growing, learning, changing and being led by the Holy Spirit. But, the best we can offer in these moments is not advice or telling other women how to do it. The best we can offer is a word of encouragement...the Word...hope...love...mercy...a glimpse of God reflected in the heart facing them. The best we can do is reflect who we truly are...who He made us to be. That is what we have to offer.
"Am I lovely? Do you delight in me? Do I have a beauty to offer?" These are questions that Captivating poses that a woman brings into the world, carried in her heart, put there by God. "How have these questions been answered for you?" the book questions and carries you on a journey of self-exploration, observation and realization. Change can only begin with self-observation. I think most people are too busy looking at others and what they need to work on than taking the time to look at themselves...a long, hard, honest look. I realize now that I have looked to everyone else to answer these questions for me. I have received a myriad of answers. Some lovely...others not so much. Why is it I can hear ten nice, encouraging and loving things, but take the one negative comment to heart and carry it with me forever? The only voice I should listen to is the only voice that matters...God. Nobody can fulfill us, but the One who made us. Knowing that...why is it so hard? I have had some friendships in my life that have not been healthy and have been hurtful. But, God is so gracious and so good, because He has always protected me and provided women and friendships that were nurturing, encouraging, inspiring and such an amazing example of who He is. He put these women in my path, both past and present, and I am so thankful and grateful to Him for them. See, women can be amazing! I think God meant for us to be amazing. Life-givers. Life-savers. Nurturers. Merciful. Loving. Relational. Women are heart. And I am so blessed to have women in my life who love the Lord with all of their heart. Women who live with and through their heart and help me to feel safe and accepted to do the same...because from our hearts flows the well spring of life.
We don't know enough about each other's hurts, fears, brokenness and hearts to be so careless. To be anything but gentle and grace-giving. I heard someone say something to the affect that in both our reward and in our lacking that we should find ourselves being the beloved. Wow. You mean, even when I am not good enough...even when I am messing up and lacking, I am still loved? Even more than that...I am still loveable? I don't know why that is so hard for me to get. Because, we should abide in that....I want to abide in that. In good times and bad, He loves us. In our successes and our struggles, He remains the same. In joy and pain, He is the ever constant light and restoration. He never lets go. The fact is that none of us are good enough, deserving enough to receive salvation...redemption. That's exactly what mercy is...getting what we don't deserve or not getting what we deserve. None of us are worthy enough. We shouldn't spend our time here trying to overcome that by trying to prove our worth. That's why there was a cross. We have received grace. So we can offer grace.
My hope is to find my security and identity in Christ alone. My hope is to eventually stop listening to the harsh voices of striving and critical spirits and start listening to my Father's voice of mercy, grace, love and delight. My hope is to have more days where I feel like I am who and where He wants to be than not. My hope is in the Lord.
Only You by David Crowder Band
Take my heart, I Lay it down
At the feet of you whose crowned
Take my life, I’m letting go
I lift it up to You who’s throned
And I will worship You, Lord
Only You, Lord
And I will bow down before You
Only You Lord
Take my fret, take my fear
All I have, I’m leaving here
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams
Be all my delights, be my everything
And It’s just you and me here now
Only you and me here now
You should see the view
When it’s only You
Does everyone else struggle like this? Sometimes I feel like I am the only one. Then I have conversations with other women and I realize that I am not alone in this struggle of being and becoming. The struggle for me is and always has been insecurity...being too much and not enough at the same time...that who I am and what I have to offer is not enough or right...I have realized that I am a 31 year old woman that has spent most of her life trying to be who and what I thought others wanted...trying to please. Always measuring myself compared to everyone else. How is it ever possible to measure up? All this does is diminish me, my heart and my confidence of anything I might have to offer. I know as Christians, we should be held to a higher standard...the whole world is watching. I know as Christians, we should be held accountable. Heck, I think everyone should be held accountable. Most people are too busy trying to find something or someone else to blame than to take the time to be held accountable for their own behavior and choices. But, I am my own harshest critic and I usually don't need judgement, criticism or a guilt trip to feel that I should be doing better and more than I am.
I guess what I am trying to say is...as women, shouldn't we be in this thing together? It's hard enough as it is. Being a mom is hard. Being a wife is hard. Most days I wonder if I am doing either one well enough. I think most women don't feel like they have all the answers and have it all together, yet spend so much time pretending that they do. What if we were all just a little more honest...a little more vulnerable...a little more authentic? We could encourage and edify...not judge, compete, compare and tear down. The book, Captiviting, references the "striving woman"...the woman who is always trying harder and working harder...to be and do better. This woman is never at rest and puts her standard on everyone else. She is saying, "I cannot accept you the way you are, you need to work harder and be more. Your heart is not safe here because I am not willing to reveal mine." “Earnestness is not by any means everything; it is very often a subtle form of pious pride because it is obsessed with the method and not with the Master.” (Oswald Chambers). Or we could be the woman with a beauty to unveil...a woman who rests in Christ and offers that beauty and rest to other women...offering the grace to be and the room to become. I know this is the kind of woman I desire to become. I want other women to see my true heart and true beauty that I have to offer...I want to offer the grace and room to other women to do the same. How can we reflect Christ's image when we're too busy trying to present a certain image of perfection? He was perfect, but we are not. Nor will we ever be in this lifetime...no matter how hard we try. And how utterly exhausting and defeating to live our lives trying to attain such a lofty goal that is completely unattainable. We may experience glimpses and moments of feeling like we have it all together or we are exactly who and where we were made to be or that we are at the top of the hill on this roller coaster ride of life. Because we're never going to stay there...if we are growing, learning, changing and being led by the Holy Spirit. But, the best we can offer in these moments is not advice or telling other women how to do it. The best we can offer is a word of encouragement...the Word...hope...love...mercy...a glimpse of God reflected in the heart facing them. The best we can do is reflect who we truly are...who He made us to be. That is what we have to offer.
"Am I lovely? Do you delight in me? Do I have a beauty to offer?" These are questions that Captivating poses that a woman brings into the world, carried in her heart, put there by God. "How have these questions been answered for you?" the book questions and carries you on a journey of self-exploration, observation and realization. Change can only begin with self-observation. I think most people are too busy looking at others and what they need to work on than taking the time to look at themselves...a long, hard, honest look. I realize now that I have looked to everyone else to answer these questions for me. I have received a myriad of answers. Some lovely...others not so much. Why is it I can hear ten nice, encouraging and loving things, but take the one negative comment to heart and carry it with me forever? The only voice I should listen to is the only voice that matters...God. Nobody can fulfill us, but the One who made us. Knowing that...why is it so hard? I have had some friendships in my life that have not been healthy and have been hurtful. But, God is so gracious and so good, because He has always protected me and provided women and friendships that were nurturing, encouraging, inspiring and such an amazing example of who He is. He put these women in my path, both past and present, and I am so thankful and grateful to Him for them. See, women can be amazing! I think God meant for us to be amazing. Life-givers. Life-savers. Nurturers. Merciful. Loving. Relational. Women are heart. And I am so blessed to have women in my life who love the Lord with all of their heart. Women who live with and through their heart and help me to feel safe and accepted to do the same...because from our hearts flows the well spring of life.
We don't know enough about each other's hurts, fears, brokenness and hearts to be so careless. To be anything but gentle and grace-giving. I heard someone say something to the affect that in both our reward and in our lacking that we should find ourselves being the beloved. Wow. You mean, even when I am not good enough...even when I am messing up and lacking, I am still loved? Even more than that...I am still loveable? I don't know why that is so hard for me to get. Because, we should abide in that....I want to abide in that. In good times and bad, He loves us. In our successes and our struggles, He remains the same. In joy and pain, He is the ever constant light and restoration. He never lets go. The fact is that none of us are good enough, deserving enough to receive salvation...redemption. That's exactly what mercy is...getting what we don't deserve or not getting what we deserve. None of us are worthy enough. We shouldn't spend our time here trying to overcome that by trying to prove our worth. That's why there was a cross. We have received grace. So we can offer grace.
My hope is to find my security and identity in Christ alone. My hope is to eventually stop listening to the harsh voices of striving and critical spirits and start listening to my Father's voice of mercy, grace, love and delight. My hope is to have more days where I feel like I am who and where He wants to be than not. My hope is in the Lord.
Only You by David Crowder Band
Take my heart, I Lay it down
At the feet of you whose crowned
Take my life, I’m letting go
I lift it up to You who’s throned
And I will worship You, Lord
Only You, Lord
And I will bow down before You
Only You Lord
Take my fret, take my fear
All I have, I’m leaving here
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams
Be all my delights, be my everything
And It’s just you and me here now
Only you and me here now
You should see the view
When it’s only You
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
my 2 cents
Forgive me in advance for these rantings from my soapbox. But, I delight in one of the many freedoms men and women have died to allow me to have and that is the freedom of speech. And because it's my blog, I can say what I want. And you have the freedom to disagree...Isn't that great?
One of my best friends has been listening to a Christian talk radio station in Dallas. She usually finds it interesting, insightful and sometimes even uplifting. But, then there are other times...Like when they bashed yoga and called it anti-Christian. She thought it was a ridiculous argument and could understand why people turn away from organized religion and God when faced with judgement in unimportant and unnecessary arguments.
The fact is that yoga is not a religion...it is a philosophy. And for most people it is...(dramatic pause for this shocking revelation) EXERCISE. And actually can be quite a Christian experience when you couple it with prayer and praise and worship music.
Let me pose a question...when did me demote Christianity to merely a dissection of how we dress, how we exercise, what we watch on TV, what books we read, who we vote for, if we breastfeed, if we home school, or what church we attend? When did we start putting God into a box of who WE think He is? Especially if it matches our opinions. Opinion: o·pin·ion /əˈpɪnyən/ –noun
1.
a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.
2.
a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.
Everyone has an opinion and is entitled to their opinion. But, it doesn't necessarily make them right. There is a lot of scripture that offers guidelines on non-essential issues in a Christian life. I don't think there are always black and white answers to every issue. There are many shades of gray when opinions are involved. This is where prayer, discernment and the Holy Spirit comes in. And it works differently in every Christian's life. We cannot be other people's Holy Spirit. We are each convicted and called to live in different areas, in different ways, at different times. Different. Not better, not worse. Just Different. And we are on a journey...constantly changing and growing - hopefully - if we are being led by the Holy Spirit. It's like my dad says in one of his many "Dadisms..." "If we both agree on everything, then one of us isn't necessary."
And isn't that what is so amazing about God? That He made us all different, but STILL in His own image. And when we receive the Holy Spirit through our salvation through faith, we receive unique, different and special spiritual gifts to go along with our unique, different and special talents, personalities and life experiences to do...what?...to edify and unite the body of Christ. So why is it that we spend so much time focusing on the very non-essential issues that cause division and separation, when we could focus on the core issues that unite and bring us together for a greater purpose? I believe there are more important things that we have in common than the semantics and logistics that make us different. Like, "Do you believe in your heart that Christ is the Savior?" Isn't that the important question? So, why do we spend so much time looking at the outward appearance and obedience of a Christian, when we should be looking at what's in the heart? "But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7).
C.S. Lewis makes a point in his book, Mere Christianity. We do not have to argue Christ's existence. We know He existed. We even know that He died on the cross. It's why He died on the cross that we need to argue. We have a choice to make. Christ is either who He says He is or He is a liar. He is either the Savior or He is a crazy person.
Sometimes a tv show is just a tv show. Sometimes a book is just a book. Sometimes yoga is just exercise. God is not Baptist or Catholic or Methodist or Lutheran. He is not a Republican or a Democrat. He doesn't live in a building...or a box. So why do we let all the other little things matter? It's like a bad stand-up comedy routine..."You might be a Christian if..." I find that I am the most insecure and self-doubting when I am in a bible study with opinionated Christian women. Isn't that sad? Didn't Christ come to bring a new covenant and do away with the legalism? My dad has another "Dadism..." "You are working under the assumption that I care about what you think." And why do I care so much about what other people think? Why have I spent so much of my life trying to be what and who others want be to be? The only One who can judge is the One who can stand perfect in judgement. The only One whose opinion should count is the only One whose opinion matters. "Am I now trying to win the approval of men or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." (Galatians 1:10).
When did we, as Christians, start to offer judgement instead of grace? No wonder people have issues with organized religion and the concept with a loving and merciful God. It's like the saying, "You can catch more bees with honey." Well, you can reach more unbelievers with grace. Why do we think people come to church in the first place? They come because they are looking for a different answer. They come because they are tired of filling a void and want to finally fulfill it. They come because they want to know and feel that they can still be a good Christian and struggle...to not have it all together...to not be perfect. And isn't that what God says?? Come to me, you broken children...come to me with your mess...as you are...for it is in your brokenness that I see your beauty...it is in your mess that I can heal and redeem you...if you let me. How many Christians do you think struggle with depression, addiction, eating disorders, anger, pride, pornography, alcohol, and codependency? How many people do you think never start on the road to recovery and continue to live in denial because it is so hard to say, "I AM a believer who struggles with..." Because of the fear of judgement...of rejection...of being a Christian, but not being good enough...of being too much and not enough at the same time.
"In fact, the only thing getting in the way of our being fully captivating and enjoyed is our STRIVING...'He will quiet you with his love.' (Zeph 3:17). A woman of true beauty offers other the GRACE TO BE and the room TO BECOME." (Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge).
Some people try to listen to the bottom of a bottle
Some people try to listen to a needle in their arm
Some people try to listen to the money in their pocket
Some people try to listen to another's arms
You and I are not that different
We got a void and we're just trying to fill it up
With something that will give just a little peace
All we want is a hand to reach to
Open arms that say I love you
We'd give anything to hear
The voice of a Savior
Some people try to find it with blind ambition
Some people try to find it where no one else has gone
Some people try to find it in the crowns of victory
Some people get defeated and lose the strength to carry on
You and I are not that different
We got a void and we're just trying to fill it up
With something that will give just a little peace
All we want is a hand to reach to
Open arms that say I love you
We'd give anything to hear
The voice of a Savior
Some people try to find it in the shadow of a steeple
Some people try to find it in the back row pew
Some people try to find it in the arms of Jesus
That's where I found it, how about you?
(The Voice of a Savior - Mandissa)
One of my best friends has been listening to a Christian talk radio station in Dallas. She usually finds it interesting, insightful and sometimes even uplifting. But, then there are other times...Like when they bashed yoga and called it anti-Christian. She thought it was a ridiculous argument and could understand why people turn away from organized religion and God when faced with judgement in unimportant and unnecessary arguments.
The fact is that yoga is not a religion...it is a philosophy. And for most people it is...(dramatic pause for this shocking revelation) EXERCISE. And actually can be quite a Christian experience when you couple it with prayer and praise and worship music.
Let me pose a question...when did me demote Christianity to merely a dissection of how we dress, how we exercise, what we watch on TV, what books we read, who we vote for, if we breastfeed, if we home school, or what church we attend? When did we start putting God into a box of who WE think He is? Especially if it matches our opinions. Opinion: o·pin·ion /əˈpɪnyən/ –noun
1.
a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.
2.
a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.
Everyone has an opinion and is entitled to their opinion. But, it doesn't necessarily make them right. There is a lot of scripture that offers guidelines on non-essential issues in a Christian life. I don't think there are always black and white answers to every issue. There are many shades of gray when opinions are involved. This is where prayer, discernment and the Holy Spirit comes in. And it works differently in every Christian's life. We cannot be other people's Holy Spirit. We are each convicted and called to live in different areas, in different ways, at different times. Different. Not better, not worse. Just Different. And we are on a journey...constantly changing and growing - hopefully - if we are being led by the Holy Spirit. It's like my dad says in one of his many "Dadisms..." "If we both agree on everything, then one of us isn't necessary."
And isn't that what is so amazing about God? That He made us all different, but STILL in His own image. And when we receive the Holy Spirit through our salvation through faith, we receive unique, different and special spiritual gifts to go along with our unique, different and special talents, personalities and life experiences to do...what?...to edify and unite the body of Christ. So why is it that we spend so much time focusing on the very non-essential issues that cause division and separation, when we could focus on the core issues that unite and bring us together for a greater purpose? I believe there are more important things that we have in common than the semantics and logistics that make us different. Like, "Do you believe in your heart that Christ is the Savior?" Isn't that the important question? So, why do we spend so much time looking at the outward appearance and obedience of a Christian, when we should be looking at what's in the heart? "But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7).
C.S. Lewis makes a point in his book, Mere Christianity. We do not have to argue Christ's existence. We know He existed. We even know that He died on the cross. It's why He died on the cross that we need to argue. We have a choice to make. Christ is either who He says He is or He is a liar. He is either the Savior or He is a crazy person.
Sometimes a tv show is just a tv show. Sometimes a book is just a book. Sometimes yoga is just exercise. God is not Baptist or Catholic or Methodist or Lutheran. He is not a Republican or a Democrat. He doesn't live in a building...or a box. So why do we let all the other little things matter? It's like a bad stand-up comedy routine..."You might be a Christian if..." I find that I am the most insecure and self-doubting when I am in a bible study with opinionated Christian women. Isn't that sad? Didn't Christ come to bring a new covenant and do away with the legalism? My dad has another "Dadism..." "You are working under the assumption that I care about what you think." And why do I care so much about what other people think? Why have I spent so much of my life trying to be what and who others want be to be? The only One who can judge is the One who can stand perfect in judgement. The only One whose opinion should count is the only One whose opinion matters. "Am I now trying to win the approval of men or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." (Galatians 1:10).
When did we, as Christians, start to offer judgement instead of grace? No wonder people have issues with organized religion and the concept with a loving and merciful God. It's like the saying, "You can catch more bees with honey." Well, you can reach more unbelievers with grace. Why do we think people come to church in the first place? They come because they are looking for a different answer. They come because they are tired of filling a void and want to finally fulfill it. They come because they want to know and feel that they can still be a good Christian and struggle...to not have it all together...to not be perfect. And isn't that what God says?? Come to me, you broken children...come to me with your mess...as you are...for it is in your brokenness that I see your beauty...it is in your mess that I can heal and redeem you...if you let me. How many Christians do you think struggle with depression, addiction, eating disorders, anger, pride, pornography, alcohol, and codependency? How many people do you think never start on the road to recovery and continue to live in denial because it is so hard to say, "I AM a believer who struggles with..." Because of the fear of judgement...of rejection...of being a Christian, but not being good enough...of being too much and not enough at the same time.
"In fact, the only thing getting in the way of our being fully captivating and enjoyed is our STRIVING...'He will quiet you with his love.' (Zeph 3:17). A woman of true beauty offers other the GRACE TO BE and the room TO BECOME." (Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge).
Some people try to listen to the bottom of a bottle
Some people try to listen to a needle in their arm
Some people try to listen to the money in their pocket
Some people try to listen to another's arms
You and I are not that different
We got a void and we're just trying to fill it up
With something that will give just a little peace
All we want is a hand to reach to
Open arms that say I love you
We'd give anything to hear
The voice of a Savior
Some people try to find it with blind ambition
Some people try to find it where no one else has gone
Some people try to find it in the crowns of victory
Some people get defeated and lose the strength to carry on
You and I are not that different
We got a void and we're just trying to fill it up
With something that will give just a little peace
All we want is a hand to reach to
Open arms that say I love you
We'd give anything to hear
The voice of a Savior
Some people try to find it in the shadow of a steeple
Some people try to find it in the back row pew
Some people try to find it in the arms of Jesus
That's where I found it, how about you?
(The Voice of a Savior - Mandissa)
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